What’s Keeping Me Up: Sextortion
The Scoop: Sextortion is a disturbing phenomenon that has escalated in the digital age, impacting countless young lives. It involves coercing individuals, often children, into providing explicit images or engaging in other sexual activities online, and then threatening exposure. Predators prey on the vulnerabilities of young people, using their fears and insecurities to manipulate them into compliance. According to the FBI, reports of financially motivated sextortion involving minors increased at least 20% from October 2022 to March 2023. The Big Picture: It’s not always a creepy online stranger upfront—often, these predators pose as friendly peers who just want to chat. As both a clinician and a father, the growing prevalence of this form of exploitation deeply troubles me. The science behind sextortion reveals a complex interplay of psychological manipulation and digital threats. Studies show that victims often experience severe emotional and psychological distress, which can have lasting effects on their mental health. Unfortunately, there are no foolproof ways to completely avoid becoming a target. Even if a teen refuses to send explicit images, predators can steal photos from social media and create fake explicit content with new technologies, like deepfakes, to use as leverage. My Advice: Have open and frequent conversations with your children about online safety from the moment they start using the internet. This should include age-appropriate discussions about sextortion. It's important to approach these talks without shame or judgment, focusing instead on educating your child about the risks of online interactions and image-sharing. ‘The Talk’ once centered around physical health, consent and relationships. Today, it also encompasses issues related to digital interactions, like sexting, online privacy, and the risks of exploitation and manipulation. Don’t wait to have it. If you or someone you know is being sexually exploited online, report it to the CyberTipline operated by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, or contact them directly at contactgethelp@ncmec.org or 1-800-THE-LOST. For international assistance, use the InHope hotline directory to find your local hotline.The importance of identity exploration in adolescence: How parents can support and keep their teens safe
Identity development is a lifelong journey, starting with that first "no" in infancy and moving on to the big life questions: "Who do I want to be? What do I want to do?" While this process never really ends, adolescence is when these questions first start to take shape. It’s a time of social, physical and internal changes, and suddenly, that separation from parent identity can feel much stronger. Letting our kids spread their wings is scary, especially when our instinct is to protect them and we know they’ll make mistakes. That’s why, each week, I’ll be sharing science-backed insights to help you navigate the adolescent years with your family. What does identity exploration have to do with digital safety? Think back to when you were in middle and high school. You probably had a few styles or music choices that now make you groan. Maybe you tried out being the “punk-rock” kid, the “preppy” kid, or the “I-don’t-like-anything-that’s-popular” kid. We often think about risks in terms of illegal activity or danger, but trying out different identities is another form of risk-taking or self-exploration. Risk is how teens explore and figure out where they belong in the world. Today, a lot of that exploration is happening online across social media, group chats, games and more. The difference between then and now is that my “studded belt” and Will Smith dance routine evidence is constrained to a few physical photos. But, every time our kids share, click, like, follow, or post something online, it shapes their digital footprint in ways that our offline identity exploration didn't. The algorithms that power digital spaces curate this data and deliver different experiences based on our actions. It’s why your teen’s TikTok might be full of makeup and dance tutorials, while yours might be parenting and home project content. As parents, it’s important for us to keep a pulse on what our kids are exposed to online, and the bounds of what they can share online, while also allowing them room to create new connections and explore their online identity, too. This means we need to have a level of digital literacy that allows us to support our kids’ exploration and growth, while still knowing when to put the guardrails up. Why is it important to allow our kids to spend time online? If you were anything like me growing up, you couldn't wait to get your driver's license. But that event isn't as attractive to all teens today. Instead, many adolescents are pushing for greater digital independence: more screen time, new apps, fewer restrictions. Even though the type of independence they’re seeking looks different than it did when we were kids, the motivation is still the same. Kids are going through a series of major shifts—mental, physical, dietary, social, hormonal. Their day-to-day life begins to look different once they hit middle school or early high school, and they need to figure out who they want to be. It's healthy and important to encourage this exploration in physical and digital spaces. Allowing our kids to do so while they're living at home means they can access support when things get tough and do so with some parental scaffolding. Despite what some sensational media buzz may tell you, the digital world is not going away. If we strip away all devices and screen time when they are still at home, our kids may not get to do this exploration until they’re older and away from the familial support network. How can parents limit risk while allowing exploration? Teens and internet use isn’t a black-and-white situation. Using the tools at your disposal, and approaching screen time conversations with care, can help you keep your kids safe without being overly restrictive. Stay educated. Even if you’re not much of a social media user or gamer yourself, get to know more about the apps your kids love (you can find resources that break down what you need to know about popular social media platforms right here in our community). Be a sounding board. Create a safe space for your kids to ask questions about what they see online or what their friends are talking about. Balance the good with the bad. If every conversation you have with your child that is about their phone is focused on what you don’t want them doing, it can create tension. Instead, try to have ongoing conversations about both the positives and negatives of their online lives—this can build a foundation of mutual trust and reinforce that you’re looking out for their best interests. Use tools to make the internet safer. Encryption, virtual private networks (VPNs), content alerts and screen time controls can help you guide your kids toward healthy, balanced device use. In next week’s column, we’ll talk more about how we can use communication to help kids as they grow and explore—including what to do when you just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye.How to Keep Your Kids Safe While Online Gaming with Ron Kerbs 🎥
Kids spend more of their time than ever online gaming, but how can parents alleviate the potential dangers that come with it? In this week’s episode of the Digital Parenthood Digest, Kidas CEO and FounderRon Kerbs tells you how to keep your kids safe while online gaming.Back to school, back to screens
School’s back in session, and with that comes extra screen time for our kids. Chromebooks and iPads are a ubiquitous part of school for many children right now. They use these devices for everything from learning code to emailing classmates about projects. When you couple this schoolwork with kids' personal device use, it adds up to a lot of screen time. A lot of parents I've talked to want to get their kids off of screens as soon as school work is done, but they find it causes friction at home. This is because personal screen time is important to most kids today. As humans, we've always moved through different stages of growth–including wanting to spend more time socializing and exploring with our friends in our adolescent years. But while you and I may have done that socializing outside, at a friend's house, or at the mall, kids are now doing more of that important exploration online. My clinical practice work has shown me that the best solutions for every family will be different—but these steps are a great place for everyone to start. Set up screen-free zones or times A screen-free zone can be a physical place or a time of day when your kids, and ideally the whole family, take a break from their devices. Research shows that when we set routines around our screen time, we can have better relationships with our devices. Make time for guilt-free fun Setting screen time routines isn’t just about limiting when your kids can’t use their devices. When they know there’s a designated time to chat on social media or invite friends to play Fortnite, it helps reduce the stress and frustration around logging off for things like dinner. Plan out screen time schedules It’s also important to build in guilt-free screen time. Abruptly switching from something enjoyable, like gaming with friends, to a tough homework assignment can cause conflict. A planned schedule helps smooth these transitions. Use parental controls Sometimes kids need some digital guardrails in place to help them balance their screen time. Your kids’ personal devices may already have screen time (sometimes called “focus time”) controls built-in, and you can also restrict screen time using apps like Aura. Using these controls could look like: Fully blocking social media sites and games when it’s time for homework Allowing kids to access social media apps throughout the day, but turning off access once they’ve spent a certain cumulative amount of time on the app Only un-blocking certain apps during scheduled guilt-free screen time Scheduling internet black-out periods when it’s time for bed Model good screen time habits All of the screen time schedules and parental controls in the world can only go so far. Showing your kids what healthy versus problematic tech use looks like through your own actions can be the most effective teaching tool you have at your disposal. This isn’t to say that you can’t use your devices. It’s just a matter of being mindful about it! Creating better screen time habits in six steps To recap, navigating social and school life online is tricky for everyone. It's okay if it takes a few tries to find just the right approach for your family—just remember these six things: Strike a balance between school and fun screen time. Taking away all non-school screen time could stifle kids' chances to explore and interact with peers in casual settings. Eliminate screens from bedrooms. A good starting point for creating screen-free zones is to eliminate screens from bedrooms for sleep—and turning off screens one hour before bed is even better. Stack similar on and offline activities. Some families I work with have managed device transitions successfully by pairing similar screened and screen-free activities together, like playing online for 30 minutes and then going outside for the same length of time. Set up parental controls. Whether you use on-device controls or an app like Aura, these tools can give you better insights into how and when your kids are using their screen time. Resist the urge to scroll. If you're asking your kids to stop scrolling online during family time, try doing the same! This sets a great example—and can help your own mental well-being and sleep, too. Talk it out. Making your children active partners in deciding how and when they'll allocate their screen time—and talking about why limits are important—helps to keep everyone invested in their digital health. We'll be publishing additional resources to help you balance screen time during the school year, too—keep exploring the community for more!Raising digital natives: Strategies for healthy tech use in youth
Our kids have never known a world without the internet and smartphones. To them, devices are a normal part of nearly all activities—and an important part of figuring out who they are through socialization. That said, research shows that too much screen time is potentially detrimental to developing minds and bodies. As parents, it's our job to help our kids strike the right balance between life online and offline. But without being digital natives ourselves, this can be a tricky process to navigate. Like many parts of parenting, it requires two things: a well of patience and good communication. Start the screen time conversation early It's never too early to start talking about (and demonstrating) healthy screen use, even if your kids aren't using devices of their own just yet. You can start by talking about how you use your devices, setting your own screen time limits, and initiating screen-free time with your kids. It can be hard at first, but I think you'll find that you feel better in the long run, too. I know I did. When our family implemented a screen-free zone during dinner time (including meal prep and clean up), the urge to check my phone was strong, even if I meant to have screen-free time with my family. There always seemed to be a good excuse to check some fact about something we were discussing, look at the schedule for the next day, etc. And these small diversions inevitably led to an “oh, I will just check email or Slack real quick,” which defeated the purpose. Ultimately we decided that putting devices in another room was the best way to keep us all honest, screen-free, and fully focused on family time. Consider different devices When it's time for your kids to get their own devices, remember: it's not all or nothing. Try easing them into the responsibility of having and using a device by starting with a "dumb" phone (also called a feature phone) or a smartwatch that's connected to your cell phone plan. This lets them contact you in an emergency without the draw of social media and games—or the possible risks associated with unmonitored internet access. Agree on rules (and consequences) right away It's been said that clarity is kindness, and in this case, clarity is household harmony as well. When you give your kids a new device, talk about, and agree on, how they'll use it and what the consequences will be if they break rules around screen time or app usage. Having this conversation when they first get a new device makes actually implementing consequences easier and more effective. If you wait until you're in the heat of the moment—when you're mad your kids won't get off their phones and they're mad you're asking—you may promise a punishment that's hard to follow through on. "No computer for a week" sounds okay in that second, but what about when it's time for schoolwork, or to video call Grandma? Clinically speaking, consequences delivered in a moment of friction can throw kids off-balance, too. And when kids don't know what to expect, they may become even more upset and exacerbate the situation further. By agreeing upon rules and potential consequences up front, you're giving your kids the stability and expectations that they need. You're also diffusing the battle for control and showing them that you're sticking to a mutual agreement. For some families, clarity of rules and expectations can be emphasized by writing them down and keeping this written record handy to review. Encourage balanced use of screens Smartphones and computers aren't just a way to do schoolwork or connect with friends. They can also be outlets for creativity and portals for independent learning or exploration. If you're having a hard time getting your kids to put down the screens, look for device-based activities that are stimulating to the mind. For instance, if your daughter likes playing video games, you could help her explore what goes into drawing and rendering the animations. She could try her own hand at creating game-like scenes—or even coding her own game—using low-cost apps and resources available for iPads and computers. Who knows, it could turn out that you have the next Michelangelo or Disney on your hands … just one whose tools of trade involve pixels, not paintbrushes. Your guide to raising a healthy digital native Ultimately, you'll want to remember these three key things: Start the conversation early. When you discuss healthy device use early on, it's easier to guide your kids toward making smart choices (and enforce necessary boundaries) as their screen time increases. Establish consequences now. Consequences created on the fly tend to be more extreme than those agreed upon calmly beforehand. If you automatically jump to the strictest punishment you can think of, you might accidentally lose your chance to escalate consequences in the future if needed. Model what you want to see. By putting my phone down when I say I will, I'm showing my children that I control my devices; they don't control me. Showing your kids what healthy device use looks like can say just as much as, or more than, a verbal conversation does. And remember, nobody's perfect. There will be times that you realize you aren't modeling the right behavior or moments when you jump to an unplanned consequence. Keep communicating with your kids, though—together, your family can find the right balance.
