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Stay safe when chatting online: a guide for parents and families
These situations almost always involved a hypothetical stranger approaching us in person, which definitely makes it easier to identify if you know someone or not. Today, though, parents and kids have to navigate a different stranger danger: online strangers. It's a lot harder to tell if the person your kids are talking to online is who they say they are—and what their motivations might be. Luckily, many of the people your kids meet online through games and chats will be perfectly harmless. But it's still a good idea to talk to your kids about online safety—and when it is or isn't okay to chat with someone they don't know. Is it bad to chat with strangers online? Online communication with strangers isn’t an inherently bad thing. When kids play or chat together online, they can improve their communication skills, get to know people who differ from them, and have new experiences together. But this is only the case if your kids are chatting online with other young people—and doing so in an age-appropriate manner, too. Playing an online game with a real-world friend and chatting withtheir other friends as a result is a potentially safe experience—kind of like going to a classmate’s sleepover and meeting their friends from church or summer camp. Meeting strangers in an open forum and exchanging direct messages, though, carries more risk. What’s the safest way to talk to a stranger online? There’s no 100% safe way to talk to a stranger online. Even if your kids feel like they know the person they’re chatting with thanks to social media platforms and YouTube videos, things may not go as expected. Sometimes, it turns out that other people may not be who they say they are. They could even be an adult predator posing as a child—though this isn’t the most common issue kids encounter online. The biggest issue is actually cyberbullying, which affects an average of31.2% of kidsin middle and high school. But whether your concern is cyberbullies, scam artists, or potential predators, there are a few steps you and your kids can take to stay safe online. 8 Tips for staying safe when chatting with strangers online. Have your kids agree to use accounts set up by a parent, using approved gaming, social, and chat apps. Stress that your kids shouldn’t change their app or device privacy settings without talking to a parent first. Help your kids choose a username that doesn’t include their real name, email address, phone number, birthday, town, or age. Instruct your kids not to accept private chat invitations from people they don’t know—or switch from public social media comments to direct messages. Your kids should keep their interactions limited to public areas or group chats where multiple people are talking. Request that your kids stick to text chats, or voice chats when gaming. Tell them not to accept video chat invites and to keep their webcam turned off or covered. Have kids keep their online chats limited to the app you’re using or the game you’re playing. If the person they’re chatting with asks them to download another instant messaging app like Telegram or WhatsApp, your kids should say no. Encourage kids to keep conversations focused on the game they’re playing, or a specific shared interest that they’ve connected with the other person over. It’s best not to talk about personal experiences, school, family, or friends. When kids do this, they can unintentionally reveal private information that scammers and predators can use to learn more about them. Stress that your kids should talk to an adult if they have a conversation that makes them uncomfortable. If the chat room or forum they’re in has moderators, they can flag messages for a mod’s review, too. How can the whole family chat more safely online? Practicing good security habits can also help the whole family be safe when socializing, working, or learning online. A mix of parental control apps, VPNs, device encryption, and strong passwords can all help. The biggest thing you can do, though, is to talk to each other about what’s happening online. Whether it’s sharing a funny video you saw on Instagram or listening as your child talks through a tricky conversation they had with a friend while playing Fortnite, creating a safe space for family check-ins and questions is key.Was your child the victim of a scammer or predator? 10 tips for parents
While you should follow the instructions provided to you by law enforcement or government agencies, these 10 steps are a good place to start when you aren’t sure what to do. 1. Make sure your child is safe. First, make sure your child is physically safe. It’s a good idea to remove their devices and internet access temporarily while you sort out how the scammer or predator got in touch with your child and what information that person may now possess. Let your child know you aren’t mad at them, this isn’t a punishment, and they’ll get their devices back as soon as you and the authorities can make sure everything is secure. 2. Contact the authorities. Whether you suspect a predator or a scammer targeted your child, contacting the authorities is a good step to take. A police report documenting financial fraud can be helpful as you work with financial institutions to retrieve or secure your family’s stolen funds. You’ll typically want to call your police department’s non-emergency number (not 911) or go in person to file a scam and fraud report. If a suspected predator is involved you'll need to assess your child's physical and emotional state and decide whether to call 911, ring the closest station directly, or go see a police officer in person. 3. Contact a hotline for help. Dedicated hotlines can help your family get connected with the right resources, including therapists. Depending on your child’s experience, you may want to contact one of the following organizations if you’re in the U.S., too: TheCyberTiplinefor child sexual exploitation (U.S.): 1-800-843-5878 VictimConnect(U.S.): 1-855-4-VICTIM National Parent and Youth Helpline(U.S.): 1-855-427-2736 4. Document any communication with the perpetrator. Next, you’ll want to work quickly to document any available communications with the suspected scammer or predator. Once the perpetrator realizes that they’ve been discovered, it’s possible they’ll close accounts or delete messages—so take screenshots if you’re able. 5. Don’t block accounts or file reports with online platforms (yet) This may feel counterintuitive, but you’ll want to hold off on blocking the suspected scammer or predator from your child’s accounts. You’ll also want to press pause on contacting the social media or game platform that the predator used to contact your child, too. The reason is that once the perpetrator’s account gets blocked and shut down, it may be harder for law enforcement to find them in the real world. Follow the advice of the authorities you’re working with regarding when to block and request the shutdown of a predator or scammer’s account. 6. Contact credit bureaus and government agencies. If you suspect any financial fraud oridentity theft, you’ll want to contact a few different institutions. These can include: Your credit card company and bank The three major U.S. credit bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax) The Social Security Administration or other government agency responsible for national IDs in your country It’s important to take these steps even if your child is a minor and doesn’t have a credit card, bank account, or passport. A credit bureau or government agency can help you understand if a scammer is using your child’s identity to open up lines of credit and more. 7. Reset app and account passwords. As soon as you’re able, reset the passwords on your child’s online accounts—from social media to any banking apps—even if your child is sure they didn’t reveal personally identifying or financial information. Scammers and predators can glean personal information out of sentences and statements that may sound innocuous to you and your child, so it’s a good idea to change the passwords for extra peace of mind. 8. Notify trusted loved ones who could be targeted next. While it’s important to respect your child’s privacy—and you don’t need to give out specific details about what happened—you may want to let loved ones know to be on the lookout for suspicious messages or calls. Some scammers use identifying information gathered from their targets, or voice cloning technology, to trick family members into thinking their relatives are in trouble. 9. Get in touch with a professional licensed therapist. Even if your child seems outwardly the same and says they’re fine, it can still be a good idea to get in touch with a professional therapist who specializes in working with children. In the U.S., Psychology Today’stherapist directory is a great place to start. Many countries also have helplines that you can call to be connected with mental health resources in your area. 10. Shore up your digital security at home. Finally, you may want to take measures to strengthen your digital security at home. This doesn’t mean it was your or your child’s fault that a scammer or predator gained access to your world—it’s not. No system is completely foolproof. But having regular family chats about online safety, monitoring your kids’ screen time, setting up an identity theft monitoring program, and having regular check-ins about online activities can help to keep everyone safe.