New Resource: Tech/Life Balance Family Report & Guideđź“š
Our latest "Tech/Life Balance" resources are now available to the DigitalParenthood community! The first installment in our series is focused on social-emotional health and gives parents the tools to foster stronger communication and resilience in their kids. We believe that meaningful connection is the best defense against today’s digital challenges. These resources are grounded in real stories from California families and leading experts and offer practical strategies that families can implement right away. To celebrate, Jennifer Heifferon (Program Director of Child Well-being) sat down with DigitalParenthoods Dr. Scott Kollins and talked about all of the ways that the resources can help parents. Download the resources below! ⬇️
Raising a Connected Generation: Dr. Becky on Parenting in the Digital Age 🎥
A throwback to our DigitalParenthood Summit back in June! NYT Best-Selling Author and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy sat down with award-winning, Emmy-nominated journalist Poppy Harlow at our NYC Digital Parenthood Summit to offer parental guidance in the digital era, emphasizing that keeping kids safe is more important than keeping kids happy. The same way they can't have dessert until they finish their broccoli, children's use of technology must also be moderated. Here are 5 key ways parents can set strong boundaries: First, understand the difference between your child’s wants and needs. What purpose will technology serve them? Does your child need the new social media app they’re asking for, or do they simply just want it? Rather than brushing off requests, have conversations with your kids about the purpose they believe this new app will serve in their life. There may be a valid reason for downloading it. Second, form a group of parents to have continuous conversations over the years. Parents will avoid making split-second decisions and feel sturdier when their children go to them. Your kid will tell you that they are the only kid to not have a certain device, bedtime, or app. Years before this, when your kids are too young to negotiate, Dr. Becky recommends getting a group of parents together to discuss and plan how you all will approach these boundaries. Third, encourage kids to “gaze-in” on themselves, rather than seeking validation on social media. The way we parent our kids sets them up for how they approach the world. Naturally, people tend to focus on what everyone else is doing before considering our own values, interests, and feelings. By providing infinite access and constant exposure to other peoples’ lives, social media only adds to this pressure. It’s important that children build their confidence inside-out, rather than waiting to be told if they’re good enough. Fourth, keep the parent-child relationship separate from the technology-child relationship. Even as adults, it is difficult for us to put our phones down because it’s designed to make us unable to do that, so how can we hold our kids to such high expectations? The difference is that kids don’t make decisions for themselves, we do. So instead of setting ourselves up for frustration and children up for a power struggle or punishment, we must set a boundary that allows us to embody parental authority and tolerate our kids being upset. And lastly, give yourself permission to change course. If you were on a plane, you would want your pilot to give themselves permission to make an emergency landing if any flight information changed. Many parents disempower themselves by assuming what’s done is done. But good leaders, upon getting new information, change their plans to realign with the outcomes that they care about. Watch Dr. Becky’s full panel here:
Hear From Kids: The #1 Safety Issue Overlooked By Parents🎥
We assembled a group of teen and young adult experts to dive deeper into the topics that they feel parents need to prioritize discussing with their kids, because who better to hear it from, than kids themselves? Here are 5 key topics that young adults feel that parents often forget to prepare their kids for: You will stumble upon bad, or even untrue news There are a breadth of news platforms on social media, often with conflicting information. Spend time discussing which ones should your children pay attention to, and which ones they should disregard. There’s going to be an negative information According to this video by the AAP, “Social media can expose you to content that is violent, dangerous, or inaccurate.” Navigate how your child should be using social media, what types of content are appropriate, and remember that not all new information will have a negative impact on them. They may receive unwanted direct messages from strangers Make sure your child is aware of online predators and scammers so that they can identify and block strangers who message them. Social media can encourage a negative self image According to this video by the AAP, “As humans, it’s normal that we compare ourselves to others, but in this online environment, there’s so many more opportunities to do that.” Children and teens who are just coming into their self-esteem may be more vulnerable and prolonged exposure to unattainable body standards can manifest into poor eating habits. No matter how many restrictions you set, your child could still come across dangerous content online Maintain open conversations about online safety with your child so that they are comfortable coming to you and asking questions. Exploring the internet with your child will help you navigate what information they’re ready to learn and what information you’re ready to teach.
Helping Your Teen Cope with Online FOMO
Do you remember the feeling of going to school and hearing about how much fun your friends had at a social gathering that you weren’t invited to? It really stung, right?! Now, imagine how much more upsetting it would have been if you had access to endless amounts of photos online showing everyone having fun without you. Thanks to social media, smartphones, and a 24/7, always-on digital world, today’s teens are at risk of being consistently exposed to the heavily filtered highlight reels of their peers' lives. So, while social media can be a great place for teens to connect and express themselves, it can also create views about other people’s lives that aren’t based in reality. To break through the feelings of missing out or painful comparisons, it can be helpful to talk to your teen and give them tools so that they can better cope with their online experiences. What is FOMO? FOMO is an acronym that stands for “fear of missing out,” and it’s an incredibly common and normal experience. FOMO usually happens when someone realizes they weren’t invited to a social event. People who experience FOMO often feel as though they aren’t wanted, are less socially desirable, or are inferior to their peers. It can cause an increase in negative thinking, impact self-confidence, and increase social anxiety or feelings of isolation. Social media is one of the leading contributors to FOMO and can begin to take a toll on a teen’s mental health. Ways to help your teen through FOMO Experiencing FOMO can be lonely and confusing. It’s important to open up the conversation with your teen so that they know you are there to support them anytime difficult feelings come up. Here are some tips for talking about FOMO: Actively listen. You’ve likely felt left out before, so take a moment to connect with that feeling so that you can approach your teen’s situation with empathy and understanding. Try to put away distractions, like phones, so that you can be fully present for the conversation. Repeat back what your teen has said so that they know they’re being heard, and consider sharing a time when you’ve had a similar experience. Take them seriously. We can often dismiss teens as being “dramatic,” but remember that social dynamics are so important to teens. Try to hear what is going on from their perspective without attempting to fix it. Help to reframe unhelpful thoughts. We all have a voice inside that can say not-so-helpful things sometimes. Encourage your teen to notice how they’re speaking to themselves while scrolling on social media. If that voice says something like, “You’d never be invited to a party like that” or “I don’t have any friends,” ask them to consider how they could replace the unhelpful thoughts with more positive, realistic ones. One example would be, “I may not have been invited to this party, but I have lots of friends who like spending time with me. Maybe I’m feeling lonely, and I should call one of them to hang out.” Teach content curation. Talk to your teen about the ways in which the content they consume can affect the way they feel. Encourage them to unfollow or mute social media accounts that make them feel bad about themselves and to continue to be hyper-aware of the impact of the information and images they take in. Could they follow more accounts that focus on something they love, like art, nature, or cooking? Encourage offline hobbies and extracurricular activities. Help your child seek out environments and social settings where they feel safe and accepted. Could they join a community theater, play sports with friends in the park, or take a music class? Schedule tech breaks. Are there a few windows of time throughout the week that you can ask everyone in the family to unplug? Maybe you designate meal time as a screen-free zone or take a nature walk on a weekend morning? Can you all agree to keep phones out of your bedroom at night and set up a charging station in the kitchen? It’s not going to look perfect, so give yourselves some grace and do your best! Discuss support systems. Reassure your teen that there are tons of people out there who have experienced FOMO and talk about who they can turn to when they’re feeling down. Who are the trusted adults in their lives that they can turn to and what friends can they reach out to for support? Have regular check-ins. FOMO is something that your teen will likely experience time and time again. Be sure to keep the conversation going, letting them know that you understand and you’re always there to listen. It’s not always the right time to talk, so if they’re not feeling it, tell them they can always come to you at another time. By opening up the conversation at home and providing realistic tools and ongoing support, you’re showing your teen that they are not alone and that their well-being matters to you. If your teen is struggling to cope with FOMO or other difficult emotions, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.
Safe sharing online: 6 dos and don'ts for parents and kids
1. DO think before typing. Just like your parents might have told you to "think before you speak,” “think before you type” is extra-applicable to children and teens today. Be frank about why with teens and older kids. Let them know that what they put online (or at least screenshots of it) can potentially live on forever. To illustrate this point, you could even pull up an example of something embarrassing that you put on LiveJournal or Xanga in the early 2000s—because oh yes, those sites are still online today. When discussing this with younger kids, you may want to focus on feelings—and bring up the grandma test. This means that you shouldn't put anything online that you wouldn't want your grandma to see. It can also be helpful to talk to your kids about how important body language is in communication. When we're typing online, our meaning isn't always as clear as it would be when we're speaking face-to-face and able to see each others' facial expressions and hand gestures. A joke that's funny when standing next to a friend could feel hurtful in a text message. 2. DO give credit where it's due. Your kids might not think twice before sharing a friend's Instagram post to their stories or creating TikToks with trending sounds. But it's important to share others' content in a way that gives credit to the original creator. Your kids know not to plagiarize content for their school reports; the same goes for social media sharing, too–that’s bad netiquette (aka online etiquette). Instagram, TikTok, and other social media apps all have ways to share content within the app while attributing the original creator. 3. DO report inappropriate content. Everyone's threshold for discomfort—and guidelines for what's inappropriate—will be different. It's helpful to let your kids know that if they see something that they think isn't okay, they can come to you to review it. Together, you can decide if it's truly harmful. And if it is harmful to someone else or a group of people, you can use the various reporting tools available through social media apps. If you'd like to have extra peace of mind about what your kids will encounter online, using a parental control app with content filtering settings can help. You'll be able to restrict certain types of content, websites, and even keep an eye out for cyberbullying in gaming chats. 4. DON'T respond to unsolicited messages. Your kids know not to talk to strangers on the street; the same goes for social media. Talk to your kids about how strangers online might message them out of the blue ... or even pretend to be someone they are familiar with. If they seem to get a message from a real-life friend or family member, but something feels off, it's best to err on the side of caution, not respond, and go to a trusted adult for help—even if the sender says they're in trouble. Some families like to come up with a code word that they'll only ever use if they're reaching out online for help. This way, if someone calls or messages your child and pretends to be you, your child can ask for the code word that only you both know. 5. DON'T share personal information. While your kids may know not to give out their full name, birthday, or address on social media, there are other types of identifying information that they may post without realizing it. Location tagging is a big one—many social media networks encourage users to share information about where a photo or video was taken. But doing so can provide others with information about where users are, and even whether anyone's at home. Some social media users have even turned snippets of online information into a game. The process typically involves taking a video still or single image and pinpointing the exact location of the footage on Google Maps. While the game is meant to be fun and harmless, it's a great example of how easy it can be to reveal more information than you realize online. 6. DON'T share pictures of other people without permission. Lastly, it's a good idea to discuss how everyone—and every family—has a different set of rules for what is and is not okay online. While your kids might be comfortable (and allowed to) share selfies online, their friends might not be. It's important to check with friends before posting their photos online, and respect everyone's unique comfort level. And this goes both ways, too. Let your kids know that it's always okay to speak up and request that a photo stay off of the internet, or ask a friend to take down a video. After all, social media should be a fun online environment—not scary or stressful. And practicing good online behavior can help to make that a reality.App safety: 7 talks to have with kids and teens
1. What age ratings mean. Talk to your child about what the different age ratings on apps mean. While the Apple App Store uses actual ages, the Google Play Store uses the "E," "T," and "MA" style labels that are typically found on video games. Let your child know what age rating you're open to (potentially) approving. This isn't as cut and dry as following the age brackets associated with each label. What you're comfortable with depends on your child's age, maturity level, and digital literacy. But communicating a limit to your kids can help them feel more confident when searching for apps—and reduce the number of download requests you have to decline. ‍ 2. How apps can expose private data. It's never too early to start talking about data privacy smarts with your kids. For small children, you may want to frame this conversation using real-world examples they're familiar with—such as how eavesdropping or spying isn't something we should do. You can show older kids where to find information about data privacy on an app's download page. Walk through what notifications they may see when an app requests data, and talk about the difference between a request that makes sense (i.e. Zoom requiring camera access) and one that doesn't (a puzzle app asking for 24/7 location data). 3. Ways to stay safe on social media. While it's understandable that children of all ages want access to social media to chat with their friends, these apps can make it feel harder than ever to keep kids safe online. Talking to your kids about the potential dangers of social media—not to scare them, but to inform them—as well as going over core internet safety principles can help. You may even want to implement some ground rules to start, such as: No tagging photos or videos with their location No posting pictures of their face—or those of their friends—without permission Only friending and following people they know in real life Telling a trusted adult if they ever receive a message that makes them feel uncomfortable Never sharing photos of themselves with or talking to strangers through private messages Some parents also decide to friend and follow their children's social media accounts. Doing so may give you some peace of mind about how they're using the platform, without the need to access and review your kids' social media accounts yourself. 4. When a message might be a scam. There are some scams that trip up even the most eagle-eyed business professionals, so it's no wonder that people under the age of 20 lost over $101 million to online scams in 2021 alone. These scams can come through emails, text messages, and direct messages on various apps. While each scam can look different, talking to your kids about the warning signs (and letting them know that you're always available to take a second look) can help them be on their guard. 5. How to spot sneaky micro-transactions. Not all app-related financial losses happen as the result of a scam, though. Many free-to-download game apps contain optional micro-transactions. A micro-transaction is a cost associated with playing a game—even if the game app itself was free to download. One example of this is a match-style puzzle game that allows you a limited number of turns per day. Once you use up those turns, the app may present you with an offer to spend a dollar or two to purchase more turns. It isn't always clear to kids that these purchase offers cost real-world money. If your kids are regularly clicking 'buy' on in-game pop-up ads suggesting they buy more turns, spins, coins, gems, or other bonuses, your bank account will take the hit. Some parents find it easiest to restrict all in-app purchases for their young children—both Apple and Android devices offer this option. For older kids, though, allowing (and discussing) some in-app purchases can be part of learning sensible spending, digital independence and healthy money management. ‍ 6. Why you’re using parental controls. You may want to explain to your kids how and why you’re using parental controls. Navigating app safety for your kids can be tough, but sitting down and having the talk together can make all the difference when using parental controls. This can help them feel more included —and make it clear that you only have their best interests in mind. 7. How to expand their privileges. If your answer to an app or game request has to be "no," you may be able to soften the blow by talking to your kids about ways they can expand their privileges in the future. Sometimes, changing that "no" to a "yes" may be a matter of getting older—which is where explaining age ratings and limits can come in handy! But if your "no" is driven by other factors, such as concern that your kids are already spending too much time online, this can be a good opportunity to talk about responsibility, prioritization, and more. There's no right or wrong way to structure this conversation—you know your child best—but it never hurts to take a chance to communicate and keep the entire family invested in staying safe online.
