What’s Keeping Me Up: Sextortion
The Scoop: Sextortion is a disturbing phenomenon that has escalated in the digital age, impacting countless young lives. It involves coercing individuals, often children, into providing explicit images or engaging in other sexual activities online, and then threatening exposure. Predators prey on the vulnerabilities of young people, using their fears and insecurities to manipulate them into compliance. According to the FBI, reports of financially motivated sextortion involving minors increased at least 20% from October 2022 to March 2023. The Big Picture: It’s not always a creepy online stranger upfront—often, these predators pose as friendly peers who just want to chat. As both a clinician and a father, the growing prevalence of this form of exploitation deeply troubles me. The science behind sextortion reveals a complex interplay of psychological manipulation and digital threats. Studies show that victims often experience severe emotional and psychological distress, which can have lasting effects on their mental health. Unfortunately, there are no foolproof ways to completely avoid becoming a target. Even if a teen refuses to send explicit images, predators can steal photos from social media and create fake explicit content with new technologies, like deepfakes, to use as leverage. My Advice: Have open and frequent conversations with your children about online safety from the moment they start using the internet. This should include age-appropriate discussions about sextortion. It's important to approach these talks without shame or judgment, focusing instead on educating your child about the risks of online interactions and image-sharing. ‘The Talk’ once centered around physical health, consent and relationships. Today, it also encompasses issues related to digital interactions, like sexting, online privacy, and the risks of exploitation and manipulation. Don’t wait to have it. If you or someone you know is being sexually exploited online, report it to the CyberTipline operated by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, or contact them directly at contactgethelp@ncmec.org or 1-800-THE-LOST. For international assistance, use the InHope hotline directory to find your local hotline.
Family guide: 5 strategies for setting digital media boundaries and guidelines for kids
These technologies can provide cognitive, social, and emotional benefits, such as expanded learning opportunities, global connections, and outlets for self-expression. Research indicates that screen media that are intentionally designed to support kids’ development can help them do better in school, learn new skills, and become better readers. And it’s not just about learning — playing video games and other online activities can also help kids build friendships and meaningful connections with others. However, potential risks and negative effects, such as social isolation, overuse, and mental health issues must also be considered and addressed. As kids grow up immersed in digital media, parents and other caregivers play a crucial role in guiding their digital media use and creating a supportive environment for meaningful technology interactions. Here are the Digital Wellness Lab’s top five strategies to help parents support their kids’ learning to set healthy boundaries and balance online and offline time. 1. Get involved: co-playing and co-viewing. If parents want a real view of how their kids spend their time online, they need to participate actively in their kids’ digital experiences. By engaging in digital media activities alongside kids, parents can help them make better choices about the content they consume and encourage meaningful discussions about themes, messages, and values. One effective strategy is co-viewing and co-playing with kids, which fosters bonding and shared enjoyment while also providing an opportunity for guidance and supervision. Co-playing can also help identify potential risks, such as inappropriate content or interactions, and allow parents to address them promptly and effectively. By sitting with children and picking up a video game controller or scrolling through online videos together, parents can find shared interests, encourage more open communication, and enable their child to be the expert. 2. Model good digital habits. It’s never too early to model healthy, balanced media and technology habits for children. When adults show kids responsible digital behavior, it sets a strong example for them to follow. Parents can help their kids find balance and purpose in their digital lives by being mindful of their own screen use, focusing on meaningful online activities, and being good digital citizens. Openly discussing their digital habits and the reasons behind them can further emphasize the importance of responsible use, ensuring kids understand the benefits of adopting such practices. Besides being digital role models, parents can highlight the importance of offline activities by participating with their kids. Whether it’s getting active, exploring creative pursuits, or simply enjoying quality time together without screens, these activities will show them the value of a balanced lifestyle that includes both digital and real-world experiences. 3. Use creative apps. Purposeful and meaningful digital media activities can help establish supportive habits and boundaries for kids. Parents can ensure their children’s exposure to digital media enriches their learning experience by encouraging them to explore creative apps and websites. Online creative outlets can inspire and nurture kids’ artistic and imaginative abilities. Platforms that support digital art, music, and writing enable young people to explore various forms of self-expression, cultivate their talents, and share their creations with a broader audience. Encouraging children to engage with these creative tools can foster emotional well-being and personal growth and help them develop essential skills like problem-solving, communication, and collaboration. 4. Create opportunities for more mindful screen engagement. Children develop at different rates, and all families have different values and routines. This can make one-size-fits-all rules about screen time and content difficult to determine. However, families can encourage their children to be mindful of what they are doing online and why. Working together to create a shared Family Media Plan is one way for families to encourage critical thinking about the types of media they want to consume and the devices they want to use. It is an excellent way to ensure that everyone in the household is on the same page regarding digital media use. Families can revise the plan at regular intervals as children become more media literate and families begin to understand more about the positive and negative effects of technology and media for themselves and their children. Once guidelines are agreed upon, it’s important for parents and caregivers to follow them, too. In our recent Pulse Survey, just 37% of adolescents reported their parents followed their own technology rules, which can impact how kids feel about the rules (and whether they choose to follow them). Families can also create screen-free zones and set screen-free times to promote balance. Designate areas like bedrooms and dining rooms as spaces where screens are off-limits and identify times, such as mealtime or homework sessions, when screens are to be turned off. This approach encourages family connection, fosters healthy sleep habits, and makes mealtime an opportunity for meaningful conversation. 5. Make time for breaks and offline fun. Encouraging regular breaks from screens and getting kids involved in offline activities is important for their social, emotional, and cognitive development. These breaks help them enjoy a balanced life with digital and real-world experiences. Encourage offline hobbies like reading, drawing, or playing musical instruments. Get kids moving with sports, dancing, or outdoor play—all great for their physical and mental health. Parents should also give kids plenty of opportunities to socialize face-to-face, building essential social skills and strong friendships. By balancing screen time with offline activities, parents can guide their kids to better digital media habits. Moving forward. As technology becomes more integrated into our daily lives, setting digital media boundaries and guidelines for kids is critical. As parents and educators, we are responsible for guiding children’s digital media use and creating a supportive environment that balances digital and IRL (“in real life”) experiences. By implementing strategies like these, parents can help kids develop healthy digital media habits and navigate the digital landscape safely and responsibly. With intentional and purposeful effort, we can all help children have a well-rounded and enriching experience with digital media. We encourage parents to use these strategies to support their children’s healthy digital media habits. We invite parents and caregivers to explore our Family Digital Wellness Guide for more resources, tools, and support to help them navigate their kids’ digital media use.Mental Health Day Report: Understanding the Emotional Toll of Your Child’s Online World
If you ever watch your kids starting another game of Fortnite or doing TikTok dances and feel a sense of worry in your gut, you aren’t alone. Parental concern for the effects of new technology on their kids isn’t new. Our grandparents fretted about our parents ruining their eyes in front of the TV. Today, parents like you and I find ourselves worrying about whether our kids’ tech use is negatively affecting their mental and emotional well-being. How does technology impact kids’ mental health? While there isn't a definitive causal link between ongoing or extended technology use having a negative effect on kids’ mental health, there are lots of studies that showcase reasons to be concerned about possible negative effects. Let me preface the conversation with this: simply spending time on Instagram or playing a video game with friends isn’t going to harm your kids’ mental well-being immediately. But, heavy, continued tech and internet use might have detrimental effects. First off, screen time in itself can impact kids' sleep and mental focus—even if a portion of that time is for school. Researchers recently surveyed a group of teenagers who reported using screens for at least six hours a day. More than half of the teens reported poor sleep, and many struggled with daytime sleepiness, fatigue, and trouble concentrating. This doesn't surprise me. It's known that blue light emitted by digital screens can impact how well we sleep, especially if we use those devices close to bedtime. And the content that our kids consume online can also be keeping them up at night or creating distractions during the day. The Cyberbullying Research Institute reports that 55% of students between the ages of 13 and 17 experience cyberbullying at some point. This can range from hurtful comments on social media to exclusion from group chats and being publicly embarrassed online. And even if your kids aren't being actively cyberbullied, they may still be feeling an emotional toll from the content they see in their online worlds. In 2023, the University of Utah reported that young adults who use social media are three times more likely to experience depression than those who don’t log on. The suicide rate has increased among 15- to 24-year-olds, too. We don't yet know what the long-term impacts of all-day tech use and cyberbullying will be, just as we're still figuring out what the lasting effects of COVID-19 may be. The landscape of our online and offline worlds has changed dramatically since 2020, and internet use has increased considerably—by as much as 100% right after the pandemic started. And yes, there are some benefits to the way we use tech today, including creating new ways for our kids to explore their identities and independence. But as parents, it's important that we keep an eye out for signals that our child is experiencing stress, online ostracization, or simply not sleeping well—whether the cause is blue light exposure or cyberbullying. Assessing the impact of technology on your child The mental and emotional impact that tech has on your own child can vary wildly, but these are all signals that something may be amiss: Loss of interest in offline activities Increased irritability Withdrawal from family and friends when offline Unexpected mood swings Trouble sleeping Lethargy and fatigue during the day New difficulty focusing on one task at a time Again, every child is different—there may be other, non tech-related reasons for your kids' trouble focusing or poor sleep. And it's normal for teens to go through mood and energy swings as they age. Ultimately, the best thing you can do is look for changes in your child's baseline. Nobody knows your kids better than you do. If you notice any marked change in your child's mood, behavior, or interests, it's a signal for you to dig deeper. What to do if technology is negatively affecting your child If you suspect that recent changes in your child's behavior are the result of their tech use, it may be time to make some changes. Talking to your kids about their online experiences is the best way to figure out what's going on, but I know many parents that find it tricky to bring up the topic in a way that encourages their kids to open up. When this comes up in my practice, I recommend that parents: Check out the American Academy of Pediatrics Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health for a library of conversation starters. Whether your kids are in elementary school or thinking about college, there are simple ways to start discussing what they're experiencing online and how it's making them feel. Dig into guides on social media and cyberbullying to better understand if your child is spending too much time online or being targeted in harmful ways. Learn about the parental controls available on your kids’ devices and favorite social media apps. Knowing how to block inappropriate content and prevent cyberbullying can help everyone feel better. Get help from other parents and professionals (including myself!) here on the DigitalParenthood.com discussion forum and Ask an Expert page. And finally, remember that autonomy is an important part of the teenage years. As your kids age, it’s important to keep the focus on education and creating healthy habits together—not complete control over their online activities. By starting regular conversations about tech use before there's a problem, you can create a safe space for your kids to talk about what might be inspiring, scaring, or stressing them out online. You don’t have to navigate figuring out this balance all by yourself, either. I’ll be posting regularly here to talk about what’s on my mind (and probably yours, too) and discuss ways that we can all work to keep our kids safer online together.
10 warning signs of cyberbullying (and what to do)
How do you know if your child is being bullied online? It’s a tough stat to see, but nearly 70% of students in the U.S. say they see signs of cyberbullying quite often[*]. So, how are you supposed to pick up on the same warning signs they’re seeing? An even harder stat to swallow: in 2020, about five million kids between the ages of 10 and 18 were cyberbullied in the United States [*]. Unfortunately, cyberbullying often goes unreported and unnoticed by adults. Worst of all, sometimes, even when victims go to parents or teachers for help, the bullying doesn’t stop. In one devastating case last year, a 10-year-old student took her own life after being continually bullied—even after her parents tried to get her school to intervene [*]. For kids growing up in a digital world, cyberbullying is a tragic reality. As parents, it’s crucial we learn to identify signs of cyberbullying early on—and know when and how to intervene. In this guide, we will explain how cyberbullying happens and review the red flags to watch out for so that you can keep your children safe online. How does cyberbullying happen? To put it simply, cyberbullying is essentially any type of bullying that happens on any digital medium—text messages, emails, social media, or online games. Bullies are looking to torment, intimidate, and humiliate their victims by sending or sharing harmful content. While we know it’s tough to see these statistics, the scary truth is that cyberbullying has hit record high numbers in recent years—with 79% of children on YouTube, 69% of kids on Snapchat, and 64% of kids on TikTok likely to be cyberbullied [*]. Here are a few tactics that cyberbullies may use: Fake profiles: A perpetrator creates fake profiles, pretending to be a friend. They establish trust, making your kid think it’s okay to share personal information. The bully uses it against them to shame and harass the victim. Sockpuppets: Not what you’re thinking, but close. Cyberbullies use a victim's photos and information to create a fake identity, pretending to be them and posting mean content and images, ruining their victim’s online reputation. Doxing: Cyberbullies search for a victim's personally identifiable information (PII) and publish it online. For instance, a bully could share their victim’s address and social media links, encouraging others to send harmful content or visit the victim’s home. Encouraging self-harm: Cyberbullies can harass people on social media and gaming platforms, encouraging victims to harm themselves… or worse. Leaking sensitive photos or messages: You’ve probably heard of young couples “sexting” or sharing explicit or sensitive photos through apps like Snapchat. Cyberbullies take these photos and messages and share them online, leading to even more harassment of the victims. Spreading lies: More vulnerable targets are blamed for things they didn’t do at school. Bullies make these accusations, persuading even more people to turn against the victim. Gamer bullying: In gaming, “griefing” refers to players sabotaging another player’s gameplay. For example, cyberbullies might steal virtual belongings or lead a campaign of harassment during in-game chats. More often than not, cyberbullies use anonymous profiles, which makes them harder to track, making things even more miserable for victims as the bullying campaign continues. In the news: Michelle Carter sent over 1,000 texts to her boyfriend, encouraging him to follow through on his plans to commit suicide—many of them coming right up to his final moments. Carter spent 11 months in federal prison when she was just 18 years old. [*]. 10 signs that may indicate your child is being cyberbullied. Using their device more (or less) Acting overly emotional after using a device Deleting their social media accounts Not wanting to attend social events Showing drastic changes in their mood Complaining to get out of going to school Becoming nervous when receiving a text Having difficulty sleeping Talking about self-harm Losing interest in hobbies Catching on to the warning signs of cyberbullying can be tough. Kids will hide their devices or avoid talking about it altogether because they’re afraid you might intervene (which only worsens the bullying). As a parent, it’s good practice to be aware of these warning signs that your kid might be experiencing cyberbullying. 1. Using their devices significantly more (or less). It’s no secret that screen time is only going up for kids of all ages. On average, kids between the ages of 8 and 12 use screens for about 5.5 hours a day, while kids between the ages of 13 and 18 use devices for nearly 8.5 hours each day. While more screen time can make it harder to keep track of all your kids' online activities, it can also help you keep an eye on whether or not they’re being bullied. Be on the lookout for: sudden changes to your child’s screen time. A shift in your child’s online activity or device usage can be a clear sign of cyberbullying. Less time online might be them trying to avoid being bullied. More time online could mean they’re combatting bullies. 2. Acting upset or overly emotional after using a device. Bullying is all about power and control. Perpetrators look for vulnerable people to prey on—especially if the bully sees them as weak and helpless. This dynamic causes victims to deal with the constant feeling of shame or humiliation. Keep an eye on how your children act during—and especially after—they use their devices. Are they upset? Do they seem confused, scared, or overwhelmed? One 17-year-old victim of cyberbullying recalls being so upset that she threw her phone against the wall—smashing it to pieces [*]. Sound familiar? It might be cyberbullying. Be on the lookout for: extreme anger or frustration after using a device. If your children ever get angry enough to slam a laptop or throw their cell phones, this could be a major red flag that they’re dealing with cyberbullying. 3. Deleting their social media accounts or opening new ones. When a child is dealing with a tough situation, their natural instinct may be to try and escape. Even as a parent, you might feel it best to suggest that your child stop using certain social media platforms where the bullying is happening. However, that approach rarely solves the problem since the bully in question might also be at school. Be on the lookout for: deleting social media accounts or starting new ones. If you notice your kid has deleted certain online accounts only to open new ones with different names, it’s a good idea to ask why. There might be an issue they’re trying to get away from, and a new account is their temporary solution—although we can tell you it’s not an effective or long-term one. Millie Bobby Brown rose to stardom before she was a teenager. But the Stranger Things actress also dealt with cyberbullying for years. When she removed all social media apps from her phone, things got much easier to handle, but she still avoids managing her accounts when possible[*]. 4. Becoming withdrawn and not wanting to attend social events. While mood swings are pretty common for teens and pre-teens, a drastic change in their attitude or desire to be social can be a major sign of cyberbullying. In one tragic case, 15-year-old Nate Bronstein was cyberbullied relentlessly after transferring to a top-ranked private school [*]. Nate’s mother, Rose, noticed her son becoming withdrawn and angry but didn’t know the full story. After months of being bullied by school students and teachers, Nate took his own life. His parents are now suing the school, some staff, and the parents of Nate’s alleged abusers. Be on the lookout for: spending an excessive amount of time alone. Maybe your son or daughter wants to hide out in their room, or maybe they refuse to spend time with the family or go out with friends. This withdrawn behavior could be an attempt to get away from bullies and not just the typical teenage tantrum. 5. Showing drastic changes in their mood and emotions. While some signs of cyberbullying can be harder to spot, ongoing intimidation and oppression from a bully will become obvious sooner than later. From mood swings and emotional outbursts to signs of depression, children may show clues to their situation and how it's affecting their mental health. The parent of a 16-year-old boy explained how their son was cyberbullied on Facebook for eight hours. The relentless assault triggered an acute psychotic break, leading the boy to an adolescent psychiatric ward for nearly a month [*]. Be on the lookout for: signs of mental health issues brought on by cyberbullying. This could include: Increased depression and anxiety A lack of interest in hobbies or activities Sudden outbursts of anger or extreme irritability Persistent sadness that lasts two weeks or longer Difficulty with sleeping Finding it hard to concentrate 6. Complaining about physical symptoms to get out of going to school. A poll by UNICEF found that one in five children has missed school because of cyberbullying. When your child pretends to be sick in order to miss school, it could be a genuine physical reaction brought on by stress—or it could be that they’re trying to escape or avoid bullies. Either way, it’s important to take these complaints seriously. As the mother of one victim of cyberbullying explained [*]: For kids growing up in a digital world, cyberbullying is a tragic reality. As parents, it’s crucial we learn to identify signs of cyberbullying early on—and know when and how to intervene. Be on the lookout for: unexplained and prolonged physical pain. Pay close attention if your child is experiencing sudden or prolonged physical pain or illness that can’t otherwise be diagnosed, the most common complaints being headaches or stomach pain. 7. Becoming nervous or jumpy when receiving a text, email, or message. Is your child on edge every time their phone beeps or vibrates? This type of anxious behavior, whenever a smartphone notification appears, isn't something you should take lightly. It’s one of the most prominent warning signs of cyberbullying. This response comes from a child who has become conditioned to expect something bad (from a bully) every time they get a message on their phone or computer. Be on the lookout for: hiding devices when you’re around. Young victims of cyberbullying might hide their phones or tablets or turn off their computer screens when parents are in the same room. Carol Todd stood before a court to explain how her teenage daughter, Amanda, became anxious and frightened with every new message she received. A 43-year-old man orchestrated a years-long campaign of cyberbullying, threats, and extortion against the teenager—following her online even as she changed schools [*]. 8. Having difficulty sleeping or feeling sleepy during the day. Around 63% of victims experiencing cyberbullying say that a lack of sleep is the most significant psychological impact of cyberbullying [*]. Facing bullies online and offline can lead to stress that keeps your kid from getting a good night’s sleep, leading to fatigue during the school day. Be on the lookout for: unusual sleeping patterns. Is your kid falling asleep at school? Oversleeping in the mornings? Again, this might be more than your typical teenage behavior. Some victims have even regressed to wetting the bed after persistent bullying. 9. Talking about self-harm. While some signs of cyberbullying could be played down as the natural changes that happen during adolescence, others shouldn’t be taken so lightly. The tragic truth is that cyberbullying victims are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide.[*] Be on the lookout for: signs of depression or thoughts of self-harm. Left unchecked, depression could lead to suicidal thoughts and self-harm. Jaylen White endured cyberbullying for ten months. The 12-year-old could not escape his tormentors, even as he changed schools and switched to remote learning. As the bullies hacked Jaylen's Netflix and PlayStation accounts to deliver threatening messages, the 12-year-old began talking about taking his own life. Thankfully, the bullying stopped when the perpetrator was caught in the act by his mother [*]. 10. Losing interest in hobbies they used to enjoy. Kids don’t always stick with their hobbies. But if bullies have ever teased them about their hobbies or intimidated them in any way to make them feel unwelcome on the football field or at other events, victims might withdraw from their friend groups and avoid social settings altogether. Be on the lookout for: suddenly losing interest in things they once loved. If your child suddenly stops playing sports or loses interest in a hobby they’re usually excited about, it’s worth chatting with them in case something else is going on. One young girl explained on an online forum that she is constantly bullied for her hobbies, which makes her “want to throw those hobbies away because it has been happening ever since I started posting my work on the internet.” [*] Was your child a victim? Most of the time, kids are scared to come forward about this issue because their bullies have threatened to make things worse if adults get involved. Instead, it’s often up to you (the parent) to recognize the problem and step in to support your child before the effects of cyberbullying go too far. Almost 90% of teenage cyberbullying victims don't tell their parents or trusted adults (including teachers) about the abuse. Here are nine steps you can take if your child is being bullied online: Make your child feel safe. Victims of bullying feel lonely and powerless. Show that you’re listening without judgment—that you’re there for unconditional support. This simple act can give your kid the confidence that a solution will be found. Let your child do the talking. Before taking any action, you need to get the full picture. Encourage your child to explain everything in detail using their own words. It’s important to stay calm and reassure your child that you are on their side. Collect evidence. You can squash the harassment more easily when you can prove the details of the abuse to the school or authorities. Collect screenshots of instant messaging conversations, text messages, images, videos, and supporting notes about any bullying incidents. Block the bullies. Go through your child’s accounts (social media, text, email, gaming, etc.) together to identify and block any profiles that have added to the issue. If necessary, your children can delete all their accounts and open new accounts with strong privacy settings. Report the bullies to the platforms. If the bullying continues despite opening new accounts, make an official report to the platform itself (Facebook, Discord, TikTok, etc.). Provide full details of the profiles and suspects so that the platform can ban them. This is where those screenshots come in handy. Collaborate with the school. Your child needs to feel safe at school. Set up a meeting with key figures, like the principal and your child's head teacher, to discuss the bullying. You can present all of your evidence to help them in their internal investigation. Seek counseling. Many children may struggle to share details of the problem with their parents. Speaking with a counselor helps victims open up to an objective third party. Positive refocus. Encourage your kids to continue doing what makes them happy, whether that’s pursuing their favorite hobbies or playing music or sports. Planning regular family events is another good way to show your kids how they can enjoy life away from the internet. Go on a camping trip, have a family games night, or try an arts and crafts project together. Contact the police. If the bullying continues or gets to the level of physical threats or attacks on your child or property, don’t hesitate to involve the police. While state laws vary for online threats, you can always turn to county sheriffs or state police if your local law enforcement officers don’t take action. The bottom line: keep your kids safe from cyberbullies. In today’s digital age, online bullying is a growing problem—especially for young people who spend so much time on their devices, social media, and gaming platforms. Knowing how to spot the signs of cyberbullying can help protect your kids, give them the support they need if they become targets, and take action to make their worlds safer online and IRL.How to Keep Your Kids Safe While Online Gaming with Ron Kerbs 🎥
Kids spend more of their time than ever online gaming, but how can parents alleviate the potential dangers that come with it? In this week’s episode of the Digital Parenthood Digest, Kidas CEO and Founder Ron Kerbs tells you how to keep your kids safe while online gaming.
