Mental Health Day Report: Understanding the Emotional Toll of Your Child’s Online World
If you ever watch your kids starting another game of Fortnite or doing TikTok dances and feel a sense of worry in your gut, you aren’t alone. Parental concern for the effects of new technology on their kids isn’t new. Our grandparents fretted about our parents ruining their eyes in front of the TV. Today, parents like you and I find ourselves worrying about whether our kids’ tech use is negatively affecting their mental and emotional well-being. How does technology impact kids’ mental health? While there isn't a definitive causal link between ongoing or extended technology use having a negative effect on kids’ mental health, there are lots of studies that showcase reasons to be concerned about possible negative effects. Let me preface the conversation with this: simply spending time on Instagram or playing a video game with friends isn’t going to harm your kids’ mental well-being immediately. But, heavy, continued tech and internet use might have detrimental effects. First off, screen time in itself can impact kids' sleep and mental focus—even if a portion of that time is for school. Researchers recently surveyed a group of teenagers who reported using screens for at least six hours a day. More than half of the teens reported poor sleep, and many struggled with daytime sleepiness, fatigue, and trouble concentrating. This doesn't surprise me. It's known that blue light emitted by digital screens can impact how well we sleep, especially if we use those devices close to bedtime. And the content that our kids consume online can also be keeping them up at night or creating distractions during the day. The Cyberbullying Research Institute reports that 55% of students between the ages of 13 and 17 experience cyberbullying at some point. This can range from hurtful comments on social media to exclusion from group chats and being publicly embarrassed online. And even if your kids aren't being actively cyberbullied, they may still be feeling an emotional toll from the content they see in their online worlds. In 2023, the University of Utah reported that young adults who use social media are three times more likely to experience depression than those who don’t log on. The suicide rate has increased among 15- to 24-year-olds, too. We don't yet know what the long-term impacts of all-day tech use and cyberbullying will be, just as we're still figuring out what the lasting effects of COVID-19 may be. The landscape of our online and offline worlds has changed dramatically since 2020, and internet use has increased considerably—by as much as 100% right after the pandemic started. And yes, there are some benefits to the way we use tech today, including creating new ways for our kids to explore their identities and independence. But as parents, it's important that we keep an eye out for signals that our child is experiencing stress, online ostracization, or simply not sleeping well—whether the cause is blue light exposure or cyberbullying. Assessing the impact of technology on your child The mental and emotional impact that tech has on your own child can vary wildly, but these are all signals that something may be amiss: Loss of interest in offline activities Increased irritability Withdrawal from family and friends when offline Unexpected mood swings Trouble sleeping Lethargy and fatigue during the day New difficulty focusing on one task at a time Again, every child is different—there may be other, non tech-related reasons for your kids' trouble focusing or poor sleep. And it's normal for teens to go through mood and energy swings as they age. Ultimately, the best thing you can do is look for changes in your child's baseline. Nobody knows your kids better than you do. If you notice any marked change in your child's mood, behavior, or interests, it's a signal for you to dig deeper. What to do if technology is negatively affecting your child If you suspect that recent changes in your child's behavior are the result of their tech use, it may be time to make some changes. Talking to your kids about their online experiences is the best way to figure out what's going on, but I know many parents that find it tricky to bring up the topic in a way that encourages their kids to open up. When this comes up in my practice, I recommend that parents: Check out the American Academy of Pediatrics Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health for a library of conversation starters. Whether your kids are in elementary school or thinking about college, there are simple ways to start discussing what they're experiencing online and how it's making them feel. Dig into guides on social media and cyberbullying to better understand if your child is spending too much time online or being targeted in harmful ways. Learn about the parental controls available on your kids’ devices and favorite social media apps. Knowing how to block inappropriate content and prevent cyberbullying can help everyone feel better. Get help from other parents and professionals (including myself!) here on the DigitalParenthood.com discussion forum and Ask an Expert page. And finally, remember that autonomy is an important part of the teenage years. As your kids age, it’s important to keep the focus on education and creating healthy habits together—not complete control over their online activities. By starting regular conversations about tech use before there's a problem, you can create a safe space for your kids to talk about what might be inspiring, scaring, or stressing them out online. You don’t have to navigate figuring out this balance all by yourself, either. I’ll be posting regularly here to talk about what’s on my mind (and probably yours, too) and discuss ways that we can all work to keep our kids safer online together.
My kid wants to be a YouTube content creator
My 12 year old wants to become a YouTube content creator on cooking. As parents, we want to encourage his passions, and we let him start a channel, but now he’s constantly “creating content”. What can I do to fix it while still supporting his passion? I don't want him to stop cooking, but I we can't let him be glued to his phone every other minute!Back to school, back to screens
School’s back in session, and with that comes extra screen time for our kids. Chromebooks and iPads are a ubiquitous part of school for many children right now. They use these devices for everything from learning code to emailing classmates about projects. When you couple this schoolwork with kids' personal device use, it adds up to a lot of screen time. A lot of parents I've talked to want to get their kids off of screens as soon as school work is done, but they find it causes friction at home. This is because personal screen time is important to most kids today. As humans, we've always moved through different stages of growth–including wanting to spend more time socializing and exploring with our friends in our adolescent years. But while you and I may have done that socializing outside, at a friend's house, or at the mall, kids are now doing more of that important exploration online. My clinical practice work has shown me that the best solutions for every family will be different—but these steps are a great place for everyone to start. Set up screen-free zones or times A screen-free zone can be a physical place or a time of day when your kids, and ideally the whole family, take a break from their devices. Research shows that when we set routines around our screen time, we can have better relationships with our devices. Make time for guilt-free fun Setting screen time routines isn’t just about limiting when your kids can’t use their devices. When they know there’s a designated time to chat on social media or invite friends to play Fortnite, it helps reduce the stress and frustration around logging off for things like dinner. Plan out screen time schedules It’s also important to build in guilt-free screen time. Abruptly switching from something enjoyable, like gaming with friends, to a tough homework assignment can cause conflict. A planned schedule helps smooth these transitions. Use parental controls Sometimes kids need some digital guardrails in place to help them balance their screen time. Your kids’ personal devices may already have screen time (sometimes called “focus time”) controls built-in, and you can also restrict screen time using apps like Aura. Using these controls could look like: Fully blocking social media sites and games when it’s time for homework Allowing kids to access social media apps throughout the day, but turning off access once they’ve spent a certain cumulative amount of time on the app Only un-blocking certain apps during scheduled guilt-free screen time Scheduling internet black-out periods when it’s time for bed Model good screen time habits All of the screen time schedules and parental controls in the world can only go so far. Showing your kids what healthy versus problematic tech use looks like through your own actions can be the most effective teaching tool you have at your disposal. This isn’t to say that you can’t use your devices. It’s just a matter of being mindful about it! Creating better screen time habits in six steps To recap, navigating social and school life online is tricky for everyone. It's okay if it takes a few tries to find just the right approach for your family—just remember these six things: Strike a balance between school and fun screen time. Taking away all non-school screen time could stifle kids' chances to explore and interact with peers in casual settings. Eliminate screens from bedrooms. A good starting point for creating screen-free zones is to eliminate screens from bedrooms for sleep—and turning off screens one hour before bed is even better. Stack similar on and offline activities. Some families I work with have managed device transitions successfully by pairing similar screened and screen-free activities together, like playing online for 30 minutes and then going outside for the same length of time. Set up parental controls. Whether you use on-device controls or an app like Aura, these tools can give you better insights into how and when your kids are using their screen time. Resist the urge to scroll. If you're asking your kids to stop scrolling online during family time, try doing the same! This sets a great example—and can help your own mental well-being and sleep, too. Talk it out. Making your children active partners in deciding how and when they'll allocate their screen time—and talking about why limits are important—helps to keep everyone invested in their digital health. We'll be publishing additional resources to help you balance screen time during the school year, too—keep exploring the community for more!Raising digital natives: Strategies for healthy tech use in youth
Our kids have never known a world without the internet and smartphones. To them, devices are a normal part of nearly all activities—and an important part of figuring out who they are through socialization. That said, research shows that too much screen time is potentially detrimental to developing minds and bodies. As parents, it's our job to help our kids strike the right balance between life online and offline. But without being digital natives ourselves, this can be a tricky process to navigate. Like many parts of parenting, it requires two things: a well of patience and good communication. Start the screen time conversation early It's never too early to start talking about (and demonstrating) healthy screen use, even if your kids aren't using devices of their own just yet. You can start by talking about how you use your devices, setting your own screen time limits, and initiating screen-free time with your kids. It can be hard at first, but I think you'll find that you feel better in the long run, too. I know I did. When our family implemented a screen-free zone during dinner time (including meal prep and clean up), the urge to check my phone was strong, even if I meant to have screen-free time with my family. There always seemed to be a good excuse to check some fact about something we were discussing, look at the schedule for the next day, etc. And these small diversions inevitably led to an “oh, I will just check email or Slack real quick,” which defeated the purpose. Ultimately we decided that putting devices in another room was the best way to keep us all honest, screen-free, and fully focused on family time. Consider different devices When it's time for your kids to get their own devices, remember: it's not all or nothing. Try easing them into the responsibility of having and using a device by starting with a "dumb" phone (also called a feature phone) or a smartwatch that's connected to your cell phone plan. This lets them contact you in an emergency without the draw of social media and games—or the possible risks associated with unmonitored internet access. Agree on rules (and consequences) right away It's been said that clarity is kindness, and in this case, clarity is household harmony as well. When you give your kids a new device, talk about, and agree on, how they'll use it and what the consequences will be if they break rules around screen time or app usage. Having this conversation when they first get a new device makes actually implementing consequences easier and more effective. If you wait until you're in the heat of the moment—when you're mad your kids won't get off their phones and they're mad you're asking—you may promise a punishment that's hard to follow through on. "No computer for a week" sounds okay in that second, but what about when it's time for schoolwork, or to video call Grandma? Clinically speaking, consequences delivered in a moment of friction can throw kids off-balance, too. And when kids don't know what to expect, they may become even more upset and exacerbate the situation further. By agreeing upon rules and potential consequences up front, you're giving your kids the stability and expectations that they need. You're also diffusing the battle for control and showing them that you're sticking to a mutual agreement. For some families, clarity of rules and expectations can be emphasized by writing them down and keeping this written record handy to review. Encourage balanced use of screens Smartphones and computers aren't just a way to do schoolwork or connect with friends. They can also be outlets for creativity and portals for independent learning or exploration. If you're having a hard time getting your kids to put down the screens, look for device-based activities that are stimulating to the mind. For instance, if your daughter likes playing video games, you could help her explore what goes into drawing and rendering the animations. She could try her own hand at creating game-like scenes—or even coding her own game—using low-cost apps and resources available for iPads and computers. Who knows, it could turn out that you have the next Michelangelo or Disney on your hands … just one whose tools of trade involve pixels, not paintbrushes. Your guide to raising a healthy digital native Ultimately, you'll want to remember these three key things: Start the conversation early. When you discuss healthy device use early on, it's easier to guide your kids toward making smart choices (and enforce necessary boundaries) as their screen time increases. Establish consequences now. Consequences created on the fly tend to be more extreme than those agreed upon calmly beforehand. If you automatically jump to the strictest punishment you can think of, you might accidentally lose your chance to escalate consequences in the future if needed. Model what you want to see. By putting my phone down when I say I will, I'm showing my children that I control my devices; they don't control me. Showing your kids what healthy device use looks like can say just as much as, or more than, a verbal conversation does. And remember, nobody's perfect. There will be times that you realize you aren't modeling the right behavior or moments when you jump to an unplanned consequence. Keep communicating with your kids, though—together, your family can find the right balance.5 ways to reduce the impact of screen time
Check out our five tips to reduce the impact of screen time on your kids. 1. Balance the good with the bad. Not all screen time is created equal. There’s plenty of enriching content that’s only possible with a device, like calls with distant relatives, interactive education apps, or informative videos that show your kids how to interact with or see the world in new ways. Meanwhile, excessive gaming or scrolling on social media can pose issues, like the dopamine hits they get when someone “likes” their photo or when they win points in a game. Talk to your children about the differences between types of screen time, and set guidelines and limits based on what is right for your family. Parental controls, like the ones we have at Aura, can help you choose what apps and websites your kids can use at certain times. 2. Co-watch with your kids. Depending on their ages, watch TV or videos with them. Encourage them to interact with content, like singing along or answering questions. Ask about what they’ve seen, how it makes them feel, and more. Help them create a connection between what they’re seeing on a screen and real life. 3. Set a digital curfew. A good night’s sleep is essential for healthy brain development, but screens are designed to keep us hooked. Blue lights on our screens can also disrupt our sleep, which can lead kids to not get enough sleep and ultimately affect their behavior and learning. Most expertsrecommend turning off devices one to two hours before bedtime, but every family is different. No matter what you decide is right for your kids, consistency is key. 4. Get outside! Being outside canimproveyour concentration, elevate your mood, and boost your overall health, while excessive screen time can impact all three. More than half of teens (56%)admitted feeling lonely, upset, or anxious—when they didn’t have their phone. Time in front of a device replaces physical activity, so for better health and less screen use, take your kids for a walk, bike ride, or another activity that encourages them to enjoy the great outdoors. 5. Set aside time for family. Schedule some digital device-free times to be together as a family. For example, mealtime can be a great opportunity to create real-life connections with your kids when you can talk with them about their day and even relieve some of the stress and anxiety of navigating life as a kid.App safety: 7 talks to have with kids and teens
1. What age ratings mean. Talk to your child about what the different age ratings on apps mean. While the Apple App Store uses actual ages, the Google Play Store uses the "E," "T," and "MA" style labels that are typically found on video games. Let your child know what age rating you're open to (potentially) approving. This isn't as cut and dry as following the age brackets associated with each label. What you're comfortable with depends on your child's age, maturity level, and digital literacy. But communicating a limit to your kids can help them feel more confident when searching for apps—and reduce the number of download requests you have to decline. 2. How apps can expose private data. It's never too early to start talking about data privacy smarts with your kids. For small children, you may want to frame this conversation using real-world examples they're familiar with—such as how eavesdropping or spying isn't something we should do. You can show older kids where to find information about data privacy on an app's download page. Walk through what notifications they may see when an app requests data, and talk about the difference between a request that makes sense (i.e. Zoom requiring camera access) and one that doesn't (a puzzle app asking for 24/7 location data). 3. Ways to stay safe on social media. While it's understandable that children of all ages want access to social media to chat with their friends, these apps can make it feel harder than ever to keep kids safe online. Talking to your kids about the potential dangers of social media—not to scare them, but to inform them—as well as going over coreinternet safetyprinciples can help. You may even want to implement some ground rules to start, such as: No tagging photos or videos with their location No posting pictures of their face—or those of their friends—without permission Only friending and following people they know in real life Telling a trusted adult if they ever receive a message that makes them feel uncomfortable Never sharing photos of themselves with or talking to strangers through private messages Some parents also decide to friend and follow their children's social media accounts. Doing so may give you some peace of mind about how they're using the platform, without the need to access and review your kids' social media accounts yourself. 4. When a message might be a scam. There are some scams that trip up even the most eagle-eyed business professionals, so it's no wonder that people under the age of 20 lost over $101 million toonline scamsin 2021 alone. These scams can come through emails, text messages, and direct messages on various apps. While each scam can look different, talking to your kids about the warning signs (and letting them know that you're always available to take a second look) can help them be on their guard. 5. How to spot sneaky micro-transactions. Not all app-related financial losses happen as the result of a scam, though. Many free-to-download game apps contain optional micro-transactions. A micro-transaction is a cost associated with playing a game—even if the game app itself was free to download. One example of this is a match-style puzzle game that allows you a limited number of turns per day. Once you use up those turns, the app may present you with an offer to spend a dollar or two to purchase more turns. It isn't always clear to kids that these purchase offers cost real-world money. If your kids are regularly clicking 'buy' on in-game pop-up ads suggesting they buy more turns, spins, coins, gems, or other bonuses, your bank account will take the hit. Some parents find it easiest to restrict all in-app purchases for their young children—both Apple and Android devices offer this option. For older kids, though, allowing (and discussing) some in-app purchases can be part of learning sensible spending, digital independence and healthy money management. 6. Why you’re using parental controls. You may want to explain to your kids how and why you’re using parental controls. Navigating app safety for your kids can be tough, but sitting down and having the talk together can make all the difference when using parental controls. This can help them feel more included —and make it clear that you only have their best interests in mind. 7. How to expand their privileges. If your answer to an app or game request has to be "no," you may be able to soften the blow by talking to your kids about ways they can expand their privileges in the future. Sometimes, changing that "no" to a "yes" may be a matter of getting older—which is where explaining age ratings and limits can come in handy! But if your "no" is driven by other factors, such as concern that your kids are already spending too much time online, this can be a good opportunity to talk about responsibility, prioritization, and more. There's no right or wrong way to structure this conversation—you know your child best—but it never hurts to take a chance to communicate and keep the entire family invested in staying safe online.
