Raising digital natives: Strategies for healthy tech use in youth
Our kids have never known a world without the internet and smartphones. To them, devices are a normal part of nearly all activities—and an important part of figuring out who they are through socialization. That said, research shows that too much screen time is potentially detrimental to developing minds and bodies. As parents, it's our job to help our kids strike the right balance between life online and offline. But without being digital natives ourselves, this can be a tricky process to navigate. Like many parts of parenting, it requires two things: a well of patience and good communication. Start the screen time conversation early It's never too early to start talking about (and demonstrating) healthy screen use, even if your kids aren't using devices of their own just yet. You can start by talking about how you use your devices, setting your own screen time limits, and initiating screen-free time with your kids. It can be hard at first, but I think you'll find that you feel better in the long run, too. I know I did. When our family implemented a screen-free zone during dinner time (including meal prep and clean up), the urge to check my phone was strong, even if I meant to have screen-free time with my family. There always seemed to be a good excuse to check some fact about something we were discussing, look at the schedule for the next day, etc. And these small diversions inevitably led to an “oh, I will just check email or Slack real quick,” which defeated the purpose. Ultimately we decided that putting devices in another room was the best way to keep us all honest, screen-free, and fully focused on family time. Consider different devices When it's time for your kids to get their own devices, remember: it's not all or nothing. Try easing them into the responsibility of having and using a device by starting with a "dumb" phone (also called a feature phone) or a smartwatch that's connected to your cell phone plan. This lets them contact you in an emergency without the draw of social media and games—or the possible risks associated with unmonitored internet access. Agree on rules (and consequences) right away It's been said that clarity is kindness, and in this case, clarity is household harmony as well. When you give your kids a new device, talk about, and agree on, how they'll use it and what the consequences will be if they break rules around screen time or app usage. Having this conversation when they first get a new device makes actually implementing consequences easier and more effective. If you wait until you're in the heat of the moment—when you're mad your kids won't get off their phones and they're mad you're asking—you may promise a punishment that's hard to follow through on. "No computer for a week" sounds okay in that second, but what about when it's time for schoolwork, or to video call Grandma? Clinically speaking, consequences delivered in a moment of friction can throw kids off-balance, too. And when kids don't know what to expect, they may become even more upset and exacerbate the situation further. By agreeing upon rules and potential consequences up front, you're giving your kids the stability and expectations that they need. You're also diffusing the battle for control and showing them that you're sticking to a mutual agreement. For some families, clarity of rules and expectations can be emphasized by writing them down and keeping this written record handy to review. Encourage balanced use of screens Smartphones and computers aren't just a way to do schoolwork or connect with friends. They can also be outlets for creativity and portals for independent learning or exploration. If you're having a hard time getting your kids to put down the screens, look for device-based activities that are stimulating to the mind. For instance, if your daughter likes playing video games, you could help her explore what goes into drawing and rendering the animations. She could try her own hand at creating game-like scenes—or even coding her own game—using low-cost apps and resources available for iPads and computers. Who knows, it could turn out that you have the next Michelangelo or Disney on your hands … just one whose tools of trade involve pixels, not paintbrushes. Your guide to raising a healthy digital native Ultimately, you'll want to remember these three key things: Start the conversation early. When you discuss healthy device use early on, it's easier to guide your kids toward making smart choices (and enforce necessary boundaries) as their screen time increases. Establish consequences now. Consequences created on the fly tend to be more extreme than those agreed upon calmly beforehand. If you automatically jump to the strictest punishment you can think of, you might accidentally lose your chance to escalate consequences in the future if needed. Model what you want to see. By putting my phone down when I say I will, I'm showing my children that I control my devices; they don't control me. Showing your kids what healthy device use looks like can say just as much as, or more than, a verbal conversation does. And remember, nobody's perfect. There will be times that you realize you aren't modeling the right behavior or moments when you jump to an unplanned consequence. Keep communicating with your kids, though—together, your family can find the right balance.Safe sharing online: 6 dos and don'ts for parents and kids
1. DO think before typing. Just like your parents might have told you to "think before you speak,” “think before youtype”is extra-applicable to children and teens today. Be frank about why with teens and older kids. Let them know that what they put online (or at least screenshots of it) can potentially live on forever. To illustrate this point, you could even pull up an example of something embarrassing that you put on LiveJournal or Xanga in the early 2000s—because oh yes, those sites arestill online today. When discussing this with younger kids, you may want to focus on feelings—and bring upthe grandma test. This means that you shouldn't put anything online that you wouldn't want your grandma to see. It can also be helpful to talk to your kids about how importantbody language is in communication. When we're typing online, our meaning isn't always as clear as it would be when we're speaking face-to-face and able to see each others' facial expressions and hand gestures. A joke that's funny when standing next to a friend could feel hurtful in a text message. 2. DO give credit where it's due. Your kids might not think twice before sharing a friend's Instagram post to their stories or creating TikToks with trending sounds. But it's important to share others' content in a way that gives credit to the original creator. Your kids know not to plagiarize content for their school reports; the same goes for social media sharing, too–that’s bad netiquette (aka online etiquette). Instagram, TikTok, and other social media apps all have ways to share content within the app while attributing the original creator. 3. DO report inappropriate content. Everyone's threshold for discomfort—and guidelines for what's inappropriate—will be different. It's helpful to let your kids know that if they see something that they think isn't okay, they can come to you to review it. Together, you can decide if it's truly harmful. And if itisharmful to someone else or a group of people, you can use the various reporting tools available through social media apps. If you'd like to have extra peace of mind about what your kids will encounter online, using a parental control app with content filtering settings can help. You'll be able to restrict certain types of content, websites, and even keep an eye out for cyberbullying in gaming chats. 4. DON'T respond to unsolicited messages. Your kids know not to talk to strangers on the street; the same goes for social media. Talk to your kids about how strangers online might message them out of the blue ... or even pretend to be someone they are familiar with. If they seem to get a message from a real-life friend or family member, but something feels off, it's best to err on the side of caution, not respond, and go to a trusted adult for help—even if the sender says they're in trouble. Some families like to come up with acode word that they'll only ever use if they're reaching out online for help. This way, if someone calls or messages your child and pretends to be you, your child can ask for the code word that only you both know. 5. DON'T share personal information. While your kids may know not to give out their full name, birthday, or address on social media, there are other types of identifying information that they may post without realizing it. Location tagging is a big one—many social media networks encourage users to share information about where a photo or video was taken. But doing so can provide others with information about where users are, and even whether anyone's at home. Some social media users have even turned snippets of online information into a game. The process typically involves taking a video still or single image and pinpointing theexact locationof the footage on Google Maps. While the game is meant to be fun and harmless, it's a great example of how easy it can be to reveal more information than you realize online. 6. DON'T share pictures of other people without permission. Lastly, it's a good idea to discuss how everyone—and every family—has a different set of rules for what is and is not okay online. While your kids might be comfortable (and allowed to) share selfies online, their friends might not be. It's important to check with friends before posting their photos online, and respect everyone's unique comfort level. And this goes both ways, too. Let your kids know that it's always okay to speak up and request that a photo stay off of the internet, or ask a friend to take down a video. After all, social media should be a fun online environment—not scary or stressful. And practicing good online behavior can help to make that a reality.How does child identity theft happen?
Covering your bases proves extra important. There are five main types of child identity fraud: 1. Theft within the family (i.e., familial fraud): Family members, close friends, and legal guardians are most likely to commit child identity theft. (A Javelin study concludes that 70% of child identity theft victims know the perpetrator). These people have access to the child or family and can take steps to hide the fraud. 2. Phishing scams on email or social media: We’ve all fallen for a phishing email a time or two. And kids are no exception. Children who use the internet unsupervised are also at higher risk of identity theft. These scams target them with the intent of getting personal information, like a SNN. 3. Data breaches from companies with your child’s SSN: Billions of pieces of PII have been leaked in data breaches in the past few years. Any company that stores your child’s SSN can be hacked, leading to your child’s personal information being available on the Dark Web. 4. Account hacking: Hackers can access your or your child’s devices through unsecured Wi-Fi networks, password hacking, or malware. Any of these types of cyber attacks can lead to your child’s personal information being stolen. Unfortunately, with the rise of remote learning, these scams have become even more prevalent. 5. Physical theft of sensitive information: Documents that contain your child’s SSN can be stolen from the mail or out of your trash. In some cases, criminals will bribe employees at companies or schools to hand over sensitive information. Wild!
