What’s Keeping Me Up: Sextortion
The Scoop: Sextortion is a disturbing phenomenon that has escalated in the digital age, impacting countless young lives. It involves coercing individuals, often children, into providing explicit images or engaging in other sexual activities online, and then threatening exposure. Predators prey on the vulnerabilities of young people, using their fears and insecurities to manipulate them into compliance. According to the FBI, reports of financially motivated sextortion involving minors increased at least 20% from October 2022 to March 2023. The Big Picture: It’s not always a creepy online stranger upfront—often, these predators pose as friendly peers who just want to chat. As both a clinician and a father, the growing prevalence of this form of exploitation deeply troubles me. The science behind sextortion reveals a complex interplay of psychological manipulation and digital threats. Studies show that victims often experience severe emotional and psychological distress, which can have lasting effects on their mental health. Unfortunately, there are no foolproof ways to completely avoid becoming a target. Even if a teen refuses to send explicit images, predators can steal photos from social media and create fake explicit content with new technologies, like deepfakes, to use as leverage. My Advice: Have open and frequent conversations with your children about online safety from the moment they start using the internet. This should include age-appropriate discussions about sextortion. It's important to approach these talks without shame or judgment, focusing instead on educating your child about the risks of online interactions and image-sharing. ‘The Talk’ once centered around physical health, consent and relationships. Today, it also encompasses issues related to digital interactions, like sexting, online privacy, and the risks of exploitation and manipulation. Don’t wait to have it. If you or someone you know is being sexually exploited online, report it to the CyberTipline operated by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, or contact them directly at contactgethelp@ncmec.org or 1-800-THE-LOST. For international assistance, use the InHope hotline directory to find your local hotline.How to keep your kids safe on Minecraft
What is Minecraft? Minecraft is a sandbox-adventure video game. The style is called "sandbox" because the sandbox mode provides a creative landscape with no fixed goal and endless possibilities. It immerses kids in creative thinking, geometry, and even a little geology and engineering as they build and explore worlds of imaginative block structures. Its blocky design is rather kid-like, too: Characters' heads are square, colors appear in chunks, and even trees look like they were grown in a Lego lab. Like any playground, Minecraft doesn't come with instructions, and it's relatively simple to pick up and play. You learn the game through exploration, experimentation, watching YouTube videos, and reading other fan-created content (there's a lot of it online). How do you play Minecraft? The first thing you do in the game is create a world and name it. Then you set off exploring it and building as you go. You might pick up some wood from a tree and hone it into a batch of sticks. You can add more wood to the sticks and make a pickax. With the pickax, you can mine some stone to build a house. And so goes the cycle of the game. The story in Minecraft is whatever you want it to be, and you can play it by yourself or with others in multiplayer. What are Minecraft's different modes? Minecraft offers three modes of play: Adventure, Creative, and Survival. Each has four levels of difficulty: Peaceful, Easy, Normal, and Hard. Adventure and Survival modes are similar, but Adventure mode is designed for gamers to play on downloadable game maps created by other players. These modes have you battling hostile creatures, building structures, and continually managing your health stats. While you're exploring, you might encounter characters called hostile mobs, which could be spiders, zombies, and endermen (black creatures with glowing eyes). Creative mode is the best option for novices and younger players: It gives you full access to all the resources in the game so you can build endlessly without worrying about dying or fending off mobs (you'll see them, but they leave you alone). Is Minecraft safe? Minecraft can be played very safely. In single-player Creative mode on the Peaceful setting, for example, there is no interaction with others and no conflict. But eventually, most kids want to play with others, and multiplayer gaming invites some risks. Though Minecraft communities are generally welcoming, and server moderators are responsible for keeping things orderly, kids can get exposed to strong language, bullying, and even hate speech.Minecraft isn't immune from predators, either. And since fans of the game range in age all the way up to adult, the player-created environments can contain bloody (but not gory) battles, sexual scenarios, and other mature content. If you want to allow your kid to play multiplayer while reducing the possibility of exposure to age-inappropriate language, content and interactions, the best way is for them to join a "realm," an invitation-only personal Minecraft server for up to 10 players created by someone they know. Otherwise, create your own server to monitor who gets to play with your kids. You could also find an established server with very good moderators, such as one of thesevetted Minecraft serversorone just for kids. What is the right age to start playing Minecraft? Because of its complexity, potential for mild violence, and online community, we recommend Minecraft for kids age 8 and up. If you have younger kids who want to play but aren't quite ready, you have options. These Minecraft alternatives can occupy them with a very similar style, without some of the tougher stuff. And if you decide to let younger kids play, we suggest playing along with them or keeping their game in a common space where you can supervise. Is Minecraft free to play? Minecraft isn't free. You may see ads for free Minecraft downloads on the internet, but they're scams. The computer versions of Minecraft cost around $30. Console versions vary in price. Minecraft also has in-game purchases for game accessories such as skins (aka clothing), textures (to improve objects' appearance to), and worlds created by other players. You can set up an account in theMinecraft Marketplaceand use Minecoins to buy add-on items. You can alsomanage in-game purchases and spendingfor kids under 16 by setting them up with child accounts. Though these purchases help you personalize your world—and look cool—they don't have the same sought-after demand of items in other games, such as Fortnite, whose exclusive releases add competition and even highlight socioeconomic differences among players. If you just want to test out Minecraft to see whether it's right for your kid, you candownload a free Minecraft trial. Is Minecraft violent? Minecraft can be violent, but it doesn't have to be. Creative mode, for example, has no violence: You'll encounter hostile mobs, but they don't attack. On the higher difficulty levels, you'll need to fend off—and sometimes kill—various scary creatures, including the infamous Ender Dragon. If kids play multiplayer, other players can be aggressive and set traps for your character that you have to fight your way out of. There's a version of the game you can play in "hardcore" mode, which ruthlessly eliminates players who die, instead of allowing them to re-spawn, as on easier levels. But overall, the blocky graphics make the visual experience mild and not at all realistic. Can you do cross-platform play on Minecraft? Yes. All major systems—including PlayStation, Xbox, and Switch—allow for cross-play, so anyone can play with others regardless of their operating system. Can you chat with strangers in Minecraft? If you're playing a multiplayer game, you can text-chat with people you don't know. But you can hide the chat window if you don't want to see messages or interact. To minimize contact with strangers, you can join a server organized by someone you know or set up your own. Players can also play "local" games with people in their homes. Kids can also download a chatting app such as Discord and voice- or video-chat while playing Minecraft. What is a Minecraft mod? A Minecraft mod is something that can be downloaded from the internet to change elements of the game. Mods can include custom skins for your avatar (in-game character), extra resources, and even themes (such as the popular dark theme, which makes it look like you're playing by moonlight). There are millions of mods, but you have to be careful of the sites offering downloads because they can contain malware and viruses. Always make sure your antivirus software is up to date, and only download mods from forums that are well-established (for example, ones where known players and moderators hang out).Microsoft offers modsand mod creators, as doesCNET's Download.com. What is a Minecraft server? A server is a software setup that lets players organize and control multiplayer games. If you're playing multiplayer, you either have to know the name of the server you want to join or get invited by the host. Anyone can set up a server, but it's a little technical—and it's a big responsibility because the host is in charge of the play environment. While some folks set up a server just for friends or a one-game session, there are a lot of dedicated Minecraft servers, some just for kids, families, or other groups. For example,Autcraftis a Minecraft server designed just for kids on the autism spectrum, andFamcraftis a server that's family friendly. The folks behind these established Minecraft servers put a lot of effort into building communities around the worlds they make, and they tailor the game-playing experience for their specific audience. Can my kid play with friends on Minecraft? Yes, it's possible for your kid to play with their friends. It's easier on console versions, because you just need to know your friends' gamertag or player ID to add them to your session. It can be a bit more complicated on PC and mobile systems, because you both have to be on the same server. There are mods and other methods—including manually—to add friends to your dedicated friend lists. Are there predators on Minecraft? There's always the possibility that players can run into predators on some servers, especially if the moderation is lax. It's safest to play on a well-known, established server rather than joining one at random. Minecraft allows you to mute and block players and report them for inappropriate behavior. Review all of the game's settings with your kid if they're playing multiplayer. Why does my kid like watching people play Minecraft on YouTube? Kids like watching people play Minecraft for a variety of reasons: to learn new techniques, enjoy others' skills, keep up with the latest news, and feel like part of a community. But entertainment value is probably the biggest draw: The top Minecraft players have celebrity status in the gaming world, and they can be funny, interesting, and even personable. As long as your kid is watching age-appropriate channels and balancing their screen time with other activities, watching people play video games is just like any spectator sport. Is Minecraft educational? Games like Minecraft that allow for exploration and creativity can be good for learning. They stimulate critical thinking, problem-solving, and systems thinking (learning how things work together). Minecraft's focus on building can reinforce geometry concepts, as it strengthens players' logic skills, creativity, and even collaboration. But the educational value of any piece of media has a lot to do with who's guiding the learning. Try to play together when you can, and ask your child questions about it, such as, "Why did you build that?," "How did you make that?," and "How do you feel when you make a cool structure?" Could my kid get addicted to Minecraft? Since Minecraft doesn't have an end point, it can be incredibly compelling. But even though some kids have areallyhard time tearing themselves away from certain games -- and some say they feel "addicted" to them—that's probably due to other factors such as what's going on in their lives, rather than a true dependency. With all media, it's important to help your kid learn to self-regulate, since you won't always be around to cut them off. Start by having a conversation about all their daily duties and figure out how much game time fits in. Create a calendar, have them set a timer, and reward them for sticking to the time limits. If you've tried this and want more control over their screen time, consider installing a parental-control program that lets you set daily screen limits for different programs.Raising digital natives: Strategies for healthy tech use in youth
Our kids have never known a world without the internet and smartphones. To them, devices are a normal part of nearly all activities—and an important part of figuring out who they are through socialization. That said, research shows that too much screen time is potentially detrimental to developing minds and bodies. As parents, it's our job to help our kids strike the right balance between life online and offline. But without being digital natives ourselves, this can be a tricky process to navigate. Like many parts of parenting, it requires two things: a well of patience and good communication. Start the screen time conversation early It's never too early to start talking about (and demonstrating) healthy screen use, even if your kids aren't using devices of their own just yet. You can start by talking about how you use your devices, setting your own screen time limits, and initiating screen-free time with your kids. It can be hard at first, but I think you'll find that you feel better in the long run, too. I know I did. When our family implemented a screen-free zone during dinner time (including meal prep and clean up), the urge to check my phone was strong, even if I meant to have screen-free time with my family. There always seemed to be a good excuse to check some fact about something we were discussing, look at the schedule for the next day, etc. And these small diversions inevitably led to an “oh, I will just check email or Slack real quick,” which defeated the purpose. Ultimately we decided that putting devices in another room was the best way to keep us all honest, screen-free, and fully focused on family time. Consider different devices When it's time for your kids to get their own devices, remember: it's not all or nothing. Try easing them into the responsibility of having and using a device by starting with a "dumb" phone (also called a feature phone) or a smartwatch that's connected to your cell phone plan. This lets them contact you in an emergency without the draw of social media and games—or the possible risks associated with unmonitored internet access. Agree on rules (and consequences) right away It's been said that clarity is kindness, and in this case, clarity is household harmony as well. When you give your kids a new device, talk about, and agree on, how they'll use it and what the consequences will be if they break rules around screen time or app usage. Having this conversation when they first get a new device makes actually implementing consequences easier and more effective. If you wait until you're in the heat of the moment—when you're mad your kids won't get off their phones and they're mad you're asking—you may promise a punishment that's hard to follow through on. "No computer for a week" sounds okay in that second, but what about when it's time for schoolwork, or to video call Grandma? Clinically speaking, consequences delivered in a moment of friction can throw kids off-balance, too. And when kids don't know what to expect, they may become even more upset and exacerbate the situation further. By agreeing upon rules and potential consequences up front, you're giving your kids the stability and expectations that they need. You're also diffusing the battle for control and showing them that you're sticking to a mutual agreement. For some families, clarity of rules and expectations can be emphasized by writing them down and keeping this written record handy to review. Encourage balanced use of screens Smartphones and computers aren't just a way to do schoolwork or connect with friends. They can also be outlets for creativity and portals for independent learning or exploration. If you're having a hard time getting your kids to put down the screens, look for device-based activities that are stimulating to the mind. For instance, if your daughter likes playing video games, you could help her explore what goes into drawing and rendering the animations. She could try her own hand at creating game-like scenes—or even coding her own game—using low-cost apps and resources available for iPads and computers. Who knows, it could turn out that you have the next Michelangelo or Disney on your hands … just one whose tools of trade involve pixels, not paintbrushes. Your guide to raising a healthy digital native Ultimately, you'll want to remember these three key things: Start the conversation early. When you discuss healthy device use early on, it's easier to guide your kids toward making smart choices (and enforce necessary boundaries) as their screen time increases. Establish consequences now. Consequences created on the fly tend to be more extreme than those agreed upon calmly beforehand. If you automatically jump to the strictest punishment you can think of, you might accidentally lose your chance to escalate consequences in the future if needed. Model what you want to see. By putting my phone down when I say I will, I'm showing my children that I control my devices; they don't control me. Showing your kids what healthy device use looks like can say just as much as, or more than, a verbal conversation does. And remember, nobody's perfect. There will be times that you realize you aren't modeling the right behavior or moments when you jump to an unplanned consequence. Keep communicating with your kids, though—together, your family can find the right balance.What’s keeping me up: KOSA report & policy lags
The Scoop: The Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA) was supposed to offer strong protections for our kids in the digital world, and it still very well could– but its slow rollout and the rapid pace of online threats have left me uneasy. Kids are more connected than ever, and technology often moves faster than our policies can keep up with. This disconnect puts them at risk in an ever-changing digital landscape. The Big Picture: While top-down policy moves at a sluggish pace, the Kids Online Health & Safety Task Force has released a detailed 130-page report on best practices for online safety. It’s lengthy, but one thing is clear: the need to keep an eye on your child is not new. Just as you once kept an eye on their walk to a friend's house, now you're tracking their virtual steps. My Advice: Here’s what matters most from the report to help you keep pace: Parents should balance screen time with offline activities, keep open lines of communication about online experiences, and lead by example with their own media use. Use the 5 Cs framework to guide you: know your child’s media habits, ensure quality content, encourage calmness and emotional self-regulation without excessive screen time, promote screen-free activities and ensure screen time doesn’t crowd out other things like sleep and outdoor time and maintain honest, non-judgmental conversations about media use. KOSA may never cross the finish line, but that doesn’t mean we can’t.
