Understanding the Impact of Influencers on Young Mindsđź’ˇ
Social media has drastically transformed the way many of us communicate, express ourselves, and receive information. A majority of today’s teens take in content daily from popular platforms like TikTok, YouTube, SnapChat, and Instagram, so it’s important to get a better understanding of how they are being impacted by digital influencers. Influencers are people who have a large following on social media platforms and are effectively influencing, for better or worse, the opinions and behaviors of their followers. They can be seen as trendsetters with aspirational lifestyles who have an effect on everything from what a young person buys to the way they talk. As you’re probably aware, influencers often present a perfectly curated version of their lives, which can lead to unhealthy comparisons for young people. And while influencers can have a positive impact on their followers, promoting messages like mental health support or body positivity, it can be helpful to take a look at the power they hold in the eyes of our kids and teens. Talking to your teen about influencers... By opening up the conversation surrounding social media influencers and their content with your child or teen, you’ll be helping them to absorb information more critically so that they’re better equipped to notice how it may be impacting their emotions and actions. Here are some tips to help you get started: Initiate the conversation. Check in with your child or teen about their relationship with social media. Ask how it makes them feel, what they enjoy most about it, and what they are finding challenging. Put away distractions so that you’re fully present for the conversation and help them to feel heard by repeating back what they’ve said. Take their experience seriously and try to understand what is going on from their perspective without attempting to jump right in and fix it. Navigating social media can be difficult for all of us, so let them know that they’re not alone in any struggles they’re experiencing and that they can always come and talk to you about their digital life. Discuss real life versus social media content. Take time to talk to your child about how influencers often present an altered version of reality online that does not include the real, messy aspects of life. They are also often paid to promote products, so their content may be influenced by sponsors. Influencers can also encourage unrealistic beauty standards thanks to filters, as well as materialism by urging followers to buy products that they endorse. Take time to scroll through social media with your child and point out what aspects do and do not reflect reality so that they can begin to do the same. Discuss unhelpful thoughts. Encourage your teen to begin to notice their thoughts as they scroll social media. Ask them if that voice inside of their head sometimes says critical things like, “I wish I looked like that” or “I’ll never be able to afford clothes as nice as theirs.” It’s completely normal to compare ourselves to others, especially when their lives look perfect online, but these thoughts can be painful to experience. Once they’re able to notice these unhelpful thoughts, teach your teen to try flipping them into more helpful thoughts like, “I love the way I dress” or “I know that this stuff isn’t real, and I like the way that I look.” It may feel forced at first, but simply noticing and negating unhelpful self-talk is a powerful way to help them feel their best. Clean up the feed together. Encourage your child to clean out the clutter from their social media feeds, just like they’d clean out their closet. Take notice of what accounts and content are bringing them joy or inspiring them, and which ones are causing them to feel like they’re not measuring up. Could they follow more accounts that focus on something they love, like art or nature? You can sit with them while they unfollow, block, or mute any content that is no longer making them feel their best. And you can even spring clean your feed right along with them to set a positive example and bring more mindfulness into your own digital world. Take tech breaks. Social media platforms are designed to keep us scrolling so it’s easy for young people to spend hours online each day. Create limits surrounding devices and set screen-free times and zones both inside and outside of your home. Encourage your child to prioritize real-life activities and connections with others. You can even come up with a list of tech-free activities that the entire family can turn to. Social media can be an excellent way for young people to connect with others, but it can also have a negative impact on the way that they feel. Be sure to check-in regularly with your child about their digital experiences and continue to open up conversations surrounding influencers, unhelpful thinking, and how they can access support. If you could use some help in navigating tech as a family, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.Raising a Connected Generation: Dr. Becky on Parenting in the Digital Age 🎥
A throwback to our DigitalParenthood Summit back in June! NYT Best-Selling Author and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy sat down with award-winning, Emmy-nominated journalist Poppy Harlow at our NYC Digital Parenthood Summit to offer parental guidance in the digital era, emphasizing that keeping kids safe is more important than keeping kids happy. The same way they can't have dessert until they finish their broccoli, children's use of technology must also be moderated. Here are 5 key ways parents can set strong boundaries: First, understand the difference between your child’s wants and needs. What purpose will technology serve them? Does your child need the new social media app they’re asking for, or do they simply just want it? Rather than brushing off requests, have conversations with your kids about the purpose they believe this new app will serve in their life. There may be a valid reason for downloading it. Second, form a group of parents to have continuous conversations over the years. Parents will avoid making split-second decisions and feel sturdier when their children go to them. Your kid will tell you that they are the only kid to not have a certain device, bedtime, or app. Years before this, when your kids are too young to negotiate, Dr. Becky recommends getting a group of parents together to discuss and plan how you all will approach these boundaries. Third, encourage kids to “gaze-in” on themselves, rather than seeking validation on social media. The way we parent our kids sets them up for how they approach the world. Naturally, people tend to focus on what everyone else is doing before considering our own values, interests, and feelings. By providing infinite access and constant exposure to other peoples’ lives, social media only adds to this pressure. It’s important that children build their confidence inside-out, rather than waiting to be told if they’re good enough. Fourth, keep the parent-child relationship separate from the technology-child relationship. Even as adults, it is difficult for us to put our phones down because it’s designed to make us unable to do that, so how can we hold our kids to such high expectations? The difference is that kids don’t make decisions for themselves, we do. So instead of setting ourselves up for frustration and children up for a power struggle or punishment, we must set a boundary that allows us to embody parental authority and tolerate our kids being upset. And lastly, give yourself permission to change course. If you were on a plane, you would want your pilot to give themselves permission to make an emergency landing if any flight information changed. Many parents disempower themselves by assuming what’s done is done. But good leaders, upon getting new information, change their plans to realign with the outcomes that they care about. Watch Dr. Becky’s full panel here:
Partner Event: Building Healthy Tech Habits (with Bend Health)
Hear from our very own Dr. Jessica Flannery as she speaks on a panel with partner Bend Health on building healthy tech habits. From setting toddler screen-time boundaries to protecting social media-scrolling teens, parenting in the always-on digital world isn’t easy! Technology connects us and can educate and entertain the entire family, but it can also start to interfere with school, work, relationships, and our mental health. That’s why the mental health experts at Bend are here to help your family find creative solutions and set realistic boundaries so that everyone in your household can learn to stay safe online, connect with one another offline, and feel your best. In this partner-hosted webinar, parents and caregivers will learn to: Create a personalized digital plan that everyone in the family can agree on. Better understand and set healthy screen limits. Talk to your child about online safety and cyberbullying. Use a digital detox to foster screen-free connection as a family. Register Here!8 Ways To Model Healthy Tech Usage As A WFH Parent💼
We’re here to help you build clear, consistent tech boundaries and open up conversations at home surrounding screens so that you can show up in both your professional and personal life with greater intentionality and focus. And remember that juggling work and parenting is never easy, so be sure to cut yourself some slack as we discuss realistic solutions for modeling healthier tech use at home. How to model health tech habits for your child While working from home, you likely rely on technology to complete tasks and correspond with colleagues, so it can be tough to put your phone down or close your laptop in order to better connect with those around you. Instead of trying to find the perfect balance, let’s look at a few small changes you can make at home so that you and your family members can feel your best. Mindfully define your relationship with tech. It’s important to first take a step back and ask yourself what role you want technology to play in your life. What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Are there times when you want to be able to focus more fully on work? Are there times when you want to put your devices aside and be more present for what is happening at home? It can be helpful to take some time to journal about your experience in order to gain clarity and insights into any changes you’re hoping to make. Set limits for yourself. It’s easy to get stuck in a never-ending scroll session or to let incoming emails completely overwhelm you. It can be helpful to set app limits or set parameters around when and where you will use your devices. Maybe you want to put your phone away after 6 pm to focus on family time? Or do you want to avoid looking at your email inbox until the kids are off to school? Perhaps you could consider deleting a social media app off of your phone to free up some of your time? Take some time to establish realistic, achievable boundaries that feel right for your day-to-day life. Avoid multitasking, when possible. Whether it’s scrolling on our phones while watching TV or answering emails while eating lunch, we’ve all gotten pretty used to using tech to do many things at once. To support your ability to focus, try setting down your devices when doing things like eating meals or talking to the people around you. Model mindfulness. Children are intuitive and can pick up on our habits. Try to incorporate mindfulness into your own life, whether it's through meditation, deep breathing, or simply being present during daily tasks like washing the dishes or preparing a meal. The more they see you simply being aware of your surroundings, the more they will follow your lead and do the same. Create screen-free zones. Designate certain spaces in your home, like the kitchen table or bedrooms, as tech-free areas. Let your child know that you won’t be using phones, TVs, or tablets in these zones and instead want to prioritize the things that are most important to you as a family, like spending time together or getting a good night’s rest. Make time for yourself. Are there tech-free hobbies or activities that you enjoy, like taking an art class, cooking, or going for a nature walk? You deserve to take time to recharge and reconnect with yourself. Prioritize moments of connection. Try to check your devices at the door during the times that your child is talking to you or when you’re spending focused time together. Are they most talkative on walks or during bathtime? Do your best to put away your phone so that they have your undivided attention when it matters the most. Talk honestly about tech. It’s okay to let your child know that sometimes you struggle to juggle it all and that you’re working on creating healthier habits. These types of transparent conversations can bring you closer and encourage them to be more curious about their own relationship to technology.Hear From Kids: The #1 Safety Issue Overlooked By Parents🎥
We assembled a group of teen and young adult experts to dive deeper into the topics that they feel parents need to prioritize discussing with their kids, because who better to hear it from, than kids themselves? Here are 5 key topics that young adults feel that parents often forget to prepare their kids for: You will stumble upon bad, or even untrue news There are a breadth of news platforms on social media, often with conflicting information. Spend time discussing which ones should your children pay attention to, and which ones they should disregard. There’s going to be an negative information According to this video by the AAP, “Social media can expose you to content that is violent, dangerous, or inaccurate.” Navigate how your child should be using social media, what types of content are appropriate, and remember that not all new information will have a negative impact on them. They may receive unwanted direct messages from strangers Make sure your child is aware of online predators and scammers so that they can identify and block strangers who message them. Social media can encourage a negative self image According to this video by the AAP, “As humans, it’s normal that we compare ourselves to others, but in this online environment, there’s so many more opportunities to do that.” Children and teens who are just coming into their self-esteem may be more vulnerable and prolonged exposure to unattainable body standards can manifest into poor eating habits. No matter how many restrictions you set, your child could still come across dangerous content online Maintain open conversations about online safety with your child so that they are comfortable coming to you and asking questions. Exploring the internet with your child will help you navigate what information they’re ready to learn and what information you’re ready to teach.
Helping Your Teen Cope with Online FOMO
Do you remember the feeling of going to school and hearing about how much fun your friends had at a social gathering that you weren’t invited to? It really stung, right?! Now, imagine how much more upsetting it would have been if you had access to endless amounts of photos online showing everyone having fun without you. Thanks to social media, smartphones, and a 24/7, always-on digital world, today’s teens are at risk of being consistently exposed to the heavily filtered highlight reels of their peers' lives. So, while social media can be a great place for teens to connect and express themselves, it can also create views about other people’s lives that aren’t based in reality. To break through the feelings of missing out or painful comparisons, it can be helpful to talk to your teen and give them tools so that they can better cope with their online experiences. What is FOMO? FOMO is an acronym that stands for “fear of missing out,” and it’s an incredibly common and normal experience. FOMO usually happens when someone realizes they weren’t invited to a social event. People who experience FOMO often feel as though they aren’t wanted, are less socially desirable, or are inferior to their peers. It can cause an increase in negative thinking, impact self-confidence, and increase social anxiety or feelings of isolation. Social media is one of the leading contributors to FOMO and can begin to take a toll on a teen’s mental health. Ways to help your teen through FOMO Experiencing FOMO can be lonely and confusing. It’s important to open up the conversation with your teen so that they know you are there to support them anytime difficult feelings come up. Here are some tips for talking about FOMO: Actively listen. You’ve likely felt left out before, so take a moment to connect with that feeling so that you can approach your teen’s situation with empathy and understanding. Try to put away distractions, like phones, so that you can be fully present for the conversation. Repeat back what your teen has said so that they know they’re being heard, and consider sharing a time when you’ve had a similar experience. Take them seriously. We can often dismiss teens as being “dramatic,” but remember that social dynamics are so important to teens. Try to hear what is going on from their perspective without attempting to fix it. Help to reframe unhelpful thoughts. We all have a voice inside that can say not-so-helpful things sometimes. Encourage your teen to notice how they’re speaking to themselves while scrolling on social media. If that voice says something like, “You’d never be invited to a party like that” or “I don’t have any friends,” ask them to consider how they could replace the unhelpful thoughts with more positive, realistic ones. One example would be, “I may not have been invited to this party, but I have lots of friends who like spending time with me. Maybe I’m feeling lonely, and I should call one of them to hang out.” Teach content curation. Talk to your teen about the ways in which the content they consume can affect the way they feel. Encourage them to unfollow or mute social media accounts that make them feel bad about themselves and to continue to be hyper-aware of the impact of the information and images they take in. Could they follow more accounts that focus on something they love, like art, nature, or cooking? Encourage offline hobbies and extracurricular activities. Help your child seek out environments and social settings where they feel safe and accepted. Could they join a community theater, play sports with friends in the park, or take a music class? Schedule tech breaks. Are there a few windows of time throughout the week that you can ask everyone in the family to unplug? Maybe you designate meal time as a screen-free zone or take a nature walk on a weekend morning? Can you all agree to keep phones out of your bedroom at night and set up a charging station in the kitchen? It’s not going to look perfect, so give yourselves some grace and do your best! Discuss support systems. Reassure your teen that there are tons of people out there who have experienced FOMO and talk about who they can turn to when they’re feeling down. Who are the trusted adults in their lives that they can turn to and what friends can they reach out to for support? Have regular check-ins. FOMO is something that your teen will likely experience time and time again. Be sure to keep the conversation going, letting them know that you understand and you’re always there to listen. It’s not always the right time to talk, so if they’re not feeling it, tell them they can always come to you at another time. By opening up the conversation at home and providing realistic tools and ongoing support, you’re showing your teen that they are not alone and that their well-being matters to you. If your teen is struggling to cope with FOMO or other difficult emotions, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.Free Download: Internet Safety Maze⬇️
A fun, free activity in honor of National Puzzle Day: Guide Monica through the maze to collect online safety badges. You'll earn: Password Prodigy Badge Privacy Protector Badge Popup Popper Badge Kind Keyboard Badge Time Master Badge Parents, use the question and answer key on page two to prompt your child as they make their way through the maze. DOWNLOAD HERE⬇️
How online life shapes youth brain development before 25
The entry into adulthood is typically marked by turning 18, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the mind is fully mature. The prefrontal cortex of the brain—responsible for our cognitive control, stress response, and executive function—isn’t all grown up until age 25. This means that childhood and adolescence is a critical time for brain development. Its progress can be hindered, though, by a variety of environmental factors like nutrition, drugs, illness, toxins, and yes, online experiences. How life online influences brain development When we encounter various stimuli in our lives, from a cute baby’s smile to the sting of a bee, various receptors in our brain begin to learn when something is pleasurable vs. painful. Over time, we form strong neural pathways that encourage us to seek out more of what feels good versus what hurts us. However, these pleasure/pain reactions aren’t limited to things we can touch. Digital experiences can have the same type of impact on our brains. Each time our kids pick up their phones or open TikTok, they’re presented with bright colors, noisy notifications, and videos that are curated to their tastes—or intentionally designed to make them feel a specific emotion. I’ll do a deep dive into how this works in a future article, but at a top level, this screen time plays a significant role in building and altering neural pathways by delivering a sense of reward or pleasure. These pathways are responsible for things like attention, memory recall, and emotional regulation. It happens to adults, too. Have you ever caught yourself picking up your phone to check for notifications even when you know you didn’t hear a ping or feel a buzz? That’s your brain seeking a hit of dopamine, the chemical that is released when we experience something pleasurable. Does all screen time impact brain development? Of course, there are many good aspects of our kids having access to the internet, including educational resources, easy communication with loved ones, and exposure to other people and cultures. But extended exposure to blue light from screens (even if it’s from schoolwork!) can make it harder for kids to fall and stay asleep. This lack of sleep can negatively impact the health of kids’ brains and bodies—plus make it harder to pay attention in school. Can internet use hurt kids' brains in the long term? We’re still learning what the long-term effects of the internet may be on developing brains. Right now, we are seeing some negative impacts on older kids and teens' decision-making abilities, attention span, and ability to switch between different tasks (aka cognitive flexibility). And even positive online interactions—like talking with friends and family—may not engage our brains in as many healthy ways as face-to-face chats and activities do. Luckily, though, neural pathways aren’t set in stone. We can strengthen and weaken our neural pathways over time by changing our behavior. If you notice that your child is displaying signs of screen addiction or is struggling to balance family, school, and gaming with friends, it’s not too late to make healthy changes. Support your child's healthy brain development The answer isn’t to ban kids from using all digital devices—they’re essential for school and preparing to work and live in a connected world. It’s essential, though, that kids grow up knowing how to balance their online and offline lives. Doing so will help them create the right skill sets (and neural pathways!) to be a healthy adult. Here are a few tips to make that happen: Create a screen time balance and healthy digital media boundaries for the whole family. Be aware of what your kids are consuming online. Conversation is invaluable, but you can also rely on the assistance of apps that clue you in to possible in-game cyberbullying or excessive screen time. Encourage screen time use for educational content instead of social media and games. When screen time requires school-age kids to use their brain in a variety of ways, versus scrolling, it can support positive cognitive growth. Build offline hobbies and experiences that the whole family can enjoy together. Work on being a good digital role model—a little less screen time and scrolling on social media can help everyone’s brain health, no matter their age. My goal here—and in future brain health articles I’ll publish on DigitalParenthood.com—is to help you feel empowered about supporting your kids’ healthy development in an online world. If you’re worried and have questions, though, you can always visit our Ask an Expert section for more advice, or connect with other parents in our discussion forum.
