How to Support Your Child If They’re Being Cyberbullied 🎥
Now that kids can access friends and their classmates from virtually anywhere, what do you do if bullies are behind the screen? In this week’s episode of the Digital Parenthood Digest, our experts discuss how to support your child if they’re being cyberbullied.
How to prevent cyberbullying: 2024 parental guide
Would you know if your kids are being bullied online? No parent wants to find out their kid is being bullied (online or IRL). But not knowing can be even worse. That was the tragic reality for a Florida family whose teen took her own life after being cyberbullied by a group of “friends” who used a group chat to purposefully exclude her, talk behind her back, and reveal her deepest secrets. [*]. As digital devices are becoming more and more common for kids and teens, it’s easier for them to become exposed to cyberbullying at younger ages—and in greater numbers. According to the Cyberbullying Research Center [*]: Over 50% of teens aged 13-17 have been victims of cyberbullying as of 2023. In this guide, we’re going to break down how cyberbullying happens, walk you through some warning signs that may indicate your child is dealing with a cyberbully, and explain how you can help prevent this type of behavior so you can keep your kids and loved ones protected online. What is cyberbullying, and how can you tell if your child is a victim? The simple answer is this: cyberbullying is a type of bullying that happens online and across digital devices. Cyberbullies target victims through text messages, social media platforms, and online games with a variety of malicious tactics like online harassment, harmful rumors, physical threats, and even leaking of private information and photos. According to StopBullying.gov, the effects of cyberbullying (as well as traditional bullying) on victims can surface as behavioral changes, health issues, and academic challenges [*]. The majority of victims report feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and powerlessness—which can lead to low self-esteem, mental health issues, and self-harm [*]. To make matters worse, many young people suffer in silence because they fear retaliation and experience feelings of humiliation and isolation. That’s why it’s so important for parents and guardians to be able to spot the warning signs of cyberbullying as early as possible. Here are some red flags to watch out for: Sudden changes in how often your child uses devices. Many cyberbullying victims either avoid going online or spend even more time on online activities, reading comments, or trying to figure out who’s bullying them. Anger, frustration, or anxiety when going online. Keep an eye out for changes in your kid’s online behavior or how they act immediately after being online. Listen and watch for signs of irritation, like slamming down or throwing electronic devices. Deleting social media accounts or opening new ones. Sometimes, bullying forces victims to change the sites and apps they use or even alter how they present themselves online. Victims may close accounts altogether or start new ones with fake names that hide their identity. Spending more time alone than usual. While teens are notorious for locking themselves in their rooms, bullying causes victims to feel isolated and alone. If your child seems more withdrawn and less social than usual, it might be because of bullying. Unexpected mood swings, outbursts, or signs of depression. Again, a common “teen thing,” but sudden mood changes and bouts of depression (or other dips in mental health) could stem from the great pressure bullying can put on victims. Difficulty with sleeping and concentrating. Cyberbullying leads to anxiety and depression, both of which can cause sleep and concentration issues [*]. Health problems. In addition to depression and anxiety, bullying can also lead to stress and lack of appetite. This could have physical effects in the form of stomach aches, nausea, and headaches. Your child may also use health issues as an excuse to get out of going to school and other social events. The bottom line: Cyberbullying can have lasting and damaging effects on your kids. It’s important that you recognize the signs of cyberbullying and step in quickly. How to prevent cyberbullying and protect your kids. Cyberbullying can have a major impact on your child's well-being. Here’s how you can prevent it from happening and limit its effects. 1. Teach them about the “3 R’s” of bullying prevention. Most of the time, cyberbullies rely on the anonymity of online platforms to harass victims without repercussions. When they hide, they can thrive from this freedom and the attention they get from their victims. Your child can neutralize a bully’s self-perceived power by following these three R's of bullying prevention [*]: Recognize: Talk to your child about the difference between actual cyberbullying, “joking around” with friends online, and other common conflicts. Help them understand and identify when someone has stepped over the line and ventured into more serious territory. Respond/Refuse: It's important to respond to bullies and not just stand by or ignore them. Teach your kids not to participate in or condone bullying behavior in any way—whether it’s happening to them, a sibling, or a friend. Report: Make sure your children know how and where to report bullying, beginning with you (parents or guardians) and educators. If needed, reporting can escalate to other school officials or law enforcement. 2. Help your kids update their privacy settings on social media. This may or may not come as a surprise, but nearly half of internet users aged 10-12 already use social media [*]. While these platforms play important roles in the lives of many children, social media also comes with some major privacy risks. By taking a beat, adjusting privacy settings, and laying out usage ground rules, parents can better manage their kids' social media community and interactions. Here’s how to change the privacy settings on some of the most popular social media platforms for kids and teens: TikTok: Make sure to set your child's account to private so that any unknown friend has to request to be approved or denied. You can also restrict content to “followers only.” Enable all digital well-being features to control your child’s screen time, content, etc. Check out the rest of the TikTok parental controls. Instagram: Set your kids’ accounts to private so that only people they approve (with your permission) can view or interact with their content. You can check out all of Instagram's privacy settings here. Snapchat: Change your children’s settings to private, which will limit who can see their Snaps to only people that your kids know and follow. The same goes for people who can send them Snaps. Make sure you block and report inappropriate content or people who interact with your child. You can also read all of Snapchat’s community guidelines to help you understand the type of content that’s allowed. You can check out all of Snapchat’s privacy settings here. 3. Make sure your kids are using strong passwords. Strong and complex passwords can stop bullies from accessing and misusing your child's online accounts. Parents should help kids create stronger passwords that avoid information a bully might be able to easily access like birthdays and names. A National Institute of Standards and Technology study found that children tend to share passwords to build friendships and trust [*], so it’s important to make sure your kids understand the necessity of password privacy. Teach them how to build strong passwords. Avoid common go-to’s, like using personal information, common phrases, and single words. Instead, combine words and mix in symbols and numbers to create alternate spellings. Keep an eye out for breaches. Check for password leaks and breaches from time to time. You can even download certain free apps to check your child’s email address to see if any passwords have been revealed. Use a password manager. A password manager can help you keep track of multiple passwords without having to remember them. These apps are also great for monitoring passwords and alerting you of any breaches or leaks. 4. Use Safe Gaming tools to block cyberbullies on gaming platforms. Nearly half of children aged 8-18 play a mobile or console game every day, and average daily play times exceed 1.5 hours [*]. While they’re gaming, kids might run into a few different types of bullying—like persistent trolling, harassment, gameplay sabotaging, and “griefing.” Since you can’t personally monitor your kid’s gaming all the time, here are a few things you can do: Manage security and parental controls within the console. Go into the console setting menus to enable communication and content filters. You can limit game time and ratings, manage friend requests, and restrict online communication. Set up account notifications. Certain online gaming platforms will also send you notifications whenever your child receives a direct message. You might also be able to see in-game messages or block them altogether. Use a digital parental control or Safe Gaming service. Aura's parental controls allow you to set gaming limits and restrictions. Aura’s Safe Gaming feature also monitors voice and text messages from over 200 games on Windows PC, alerting you to any threats or cyberbullying messages sent or received. 5. Monitor and manage your kids’ internet usage. No one expects you to hover over your kid’s shoulder and watch everything they do online. But the only way you can really protect them is if you know when they’re using the internet and what they’re using it for. Here are some “hacks” to consider. “Friend” or follow your kids on social media. This will allow you to get a notification any time they post something new, so you can review posts and discuss them with your child as necessary. Set online and game boundaries. If you think limiting your children's online usage will help keep them safe, think about setting a time limit. Internet browser family controls, like Google's Family Link [*], even let you block certain sites and functionalities. For gaming, try researching games together and choosing one that you're all comfortable with. Get a parental control plan. A parental control plan like Aura helps you monitor your kids' internet usage, block harmful sites and apps, and limit their screen time. Aura even offers additional online safety tools like AV and safe browsing 6. Organize a monthly “social media audit.” With social media usage among young people skyrocketing, the topic of social media safety has risen to the top of the list for many families. According to a Pew Research Center study, 35% of teens say that they're on social media "almost constantly" [*]. While you can't watch your child's every move online, you might consider a regular social media audit. Discuss off-putting content. Go through your kids’ social media activities with them. Look for any posts that might be considered bullying behavior, and remove and report abuses. Watch histories. What your children do on social media can tell you a lot about their lives. Take a look at their online browser history. You can see YouTube history in My Google Activity. You can even order a TikTok history from its settings and privacy screen [*]. Review friend lists and privacy settings. Make sure your children’s privacy settings haven't been changed. You might also go through their friend lists to see who has access to their posted content. Block and report. Show your kids how to use social media's block and report features. Review with them what information is needed to report abusers and how to take note of it properly. 7. Talk to your kids about online privacy. Without online privacy, your kid's internet safety may be in serious danger. Nearly 18% of cyberbullying cases involved a bully pretending to be their victim online [*]. While cyberbullying happens to kids of all ages, it's even worse for adolescents and young adults [*]. Even though apps like Snapchat give the illusion of privacy, kids need to stay vigilant in protecting their information. Here’s how you can help. Practice good cyber hygiene. Talking about cyber hygiene with your kids will help them avoid costly mistakes online. Teach them to update their passwords regularly and make sure they know how to spot scams. You might also want to talk with them about the latest online threats so your family can stay ahead of the curve. Let them know what information they shouldn’t share. Social media posts can be so dangerous because even the most harmless details can be used against you. Cyberbullies use personal information to abuse their victims and misuse their accounts. Teach your kids about the consequences of sharing home addresses, passwords, Social Security numbers (SSNs), and banking information. Disable location sharing. To ensure that onlookers won't know your location, turn off location-sharing permissions on your social media accounts and devices. You should also consider monitoring your children's accounts to ensure that they don't geo-tag their photos or have others share their locations. 8. Monitor the apps and sites that your children use. When it comes to your kids’ internet safety, ignorance is anything but bliss. If you don't know about the apps and sites they use on their cell phones and digital devices, you can't protect them. For example, many of Discord's safety risks come from the platform sliding under the radar of parents and schools. Know what's popular. See what apps and sites your kids are using, then see what risks come with each one. Learn what content moderation and privacy controls are available, and try to find safer alternatives if possible. Stay educated about trends and slang. This is more than just staying “hip.” Certain forms of cyberbullying might look innocent to the uninformed parent. For instance, bullies might use slang terms to camouflage abusive comments. They might also use peer pressure to force victims to take part in dangerous social media trends [*]. 9. Keep an open dialogue. We get it—talking about cyberbullying isn’t easy. Unfortunately, just 11% of bullied teens tell their parents [*]. This means it’s up to you to create a safe space to talk about bullying so that your kids feel comfortable talking to you if they’ve been targeted. Talk early and often. Give kids regular opportunities to talk, and you'll improve the chances of their mentioning cyberbullying if it does happen. Try different strategies. Talk about your own experiences with bullying, or bring up the topic by using a general or second-hand approach. Listen and stay open-minded. Let your kids speak freely and without interruption. Putting up any obstacles might give them a reason to stay silent. Engage with them. Playing with your kids and doing the things they want to do increases your chances of seeing bullying behavior in action. It also helps your child relate to you more easily and creates more opportunities to talk and share. How (and where) to report cyberbullies. If you notice the warning signs of bullying or your child has told you about an incident, you’ll want to act quickly to handle the problem. Before you start the reporting process laid out below, make sure your kids know they did the right thing by talking to a trusted adult. Make sure your kids feel safe, and then take the following steps. Gather your evidence before blocking. While your gut instinct might be to lash out at or block bullies, make sure you don’t give them a chance to cover their tracks. Instead, collect screenshots of conversations, images, videos, and anything else that builds the case for you and your child. Block the bully and report their account to the platform. You can block the bully on each individual social networking site. Platforms like Facebook allow for temporary blocks and profile limitations—these are called "breaks" [*]. Report the bully online. You can report abusive content on some social media sites, including Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. You can also report abuse to your internet service provider if a bully violates the provider’s terms and conditions. Report the bully in person. After that, it's time to report the bully in person at your child's school or the bully's school. You might report the bully to a teacher, a school official, or a school administrator. If necessary, contact your local police. Consider reporting bullying to law enforcement if it involves threats of violence, unlawful invasion of privacy, and/or hate crimes. File a police report and keep records. 8 ways you can keep your entire family safe online. Cyberbullies are among the top threats facing your family online. Bullies use various tactics to taunt their victims and can do serious damage to your child's online experience, health, and reputation. Take the following steps to protect your family online. Use complex passwords and 2FA. Your passwords are the first—and sometimes only—line of defense against hackers and malicious cyberbullies. Make sure everyone in your family uses strong passwords and enables two-factor authentication (2FA) whenever you can. For added security, use a password manager to store your passwords safely. Keep personal information private. Be cautious of sharing too much information online—including on social media profiles. Anything you post online can be found and potentially used against you and your family. Secure your Wi-Fi network. Hackers know how easy it is to hack Wi-Fi networks. Make sure you’ve secured your network by changing the default password and disabling the administrator mode. To be extra cautious, you could even use a virtual private network (VPN) while at home. (And always use a VPN when accessing the internet in public venues such as cafes, malls, hotels, and airports.) Stick to secure websites and games. Official app stores (like Apple, Google, or Steam) ensure that you don’t accidentally download virus-laden software. Ignore strange emails or texts. Scammers and bullies use fake messages to get you to click on links or engage with them. Teach your family members never to click on strange links—and to report these emails instead of responding to them. Back up important data. If you're not careful, hacking and bullying can lead to data loss. Keeping backups ensures that you’ll always have a copy of your data should the worst happen. The bottom line: don’t let cyberbullies win! The effects of cyberbullying don’t just stay online. They have real-world consequences that follow kids wherever they go. This growing threat can happen to anyone, so it’s important that parents know how to spot and stop cyberbullying before it’s too late. Luckily for you (and your kids), you just got the deep dive on Fighting Cyberbullying 101!10 warning signs of cyberbullying (and what to do)
How do you know if your child is being bullied online? It’s a tough stat to see, but nearly 70% of students in the U.S. say they see signs of cyberbullying quite often[*]. So, how are you supposed to pick up on the same warning signs they’re seeing? An even harder stat to swallow: in 2020, about five million kids between the ages of 10 and 18 were cyberbullied in the United States [*]. Unfortunately, cyberbullying often goes unreported and unnoticed by adults. Worst of all, sometimes, even when victims go to parents or teachers for help, the bullying doesn’t stop. In one devastating case last year, a 10-year-old student took her own life after being continually bullied—even after her parents tried to get her school to intervene [*]. For kids growing up in a digital world, cyberbullying is a tragic reality. As parents, it’s crucial we learn to identify signs of cyberbullying early on—and know when and how to intervene. In this guide, we will explain how cyberbullying happens and review the red flags to watch out for so that you can keep your children safe online. How does cyberbullying happen? To put it simply, cyberbullying is essentially any type of bullying that happens on any digital medium—text messages, emails, social media, or online games. Bullies are looking to torment, intimidate, and humiliate their victims by sending or sharing harmful content. While we know it’s tough to see these statistics, the scary truth is that cyberbullying has hit record high numbers in recent years—with 79% of children on YouTube, 69% of kids on Snapchat, and 64% of kids on TikTok likely to be cyberbullied [*]. Here are a few tactics that cyberbullies may use: Fake profiles: A perpetrator creates fake profiles, pretending to be a friend. They establish trust, making your kid think it’s okay to share personal information. The bully uses it against them to shame and harass the victim. Sockpuppets: Not what you’re thinking, but close. Cyberbullies use a victim's photos and information to create a fake identity, pretending to be them and posting mean content and images, ruining their victim’s online reputation. Doxing: Cyberbullies search for a victim's personally identifiable information (PII) and publish it online. For instance, a bully could share their victim’s address and social media links, encouraging others to send harmful content or visit the victim’s home. Encouraging self-harm: Cyberbullies can harass people on social media and gaming platforms, encouraging victims to harm themselves… or worse. Leaking sensitive photos or messages: You’ve probably heard of young couples “sexting” or sharing explicit or sensitive photos through apps like Snapchat. Cyberbullies take these photos and messages and share them online, leading to even more harassment of the victims. Spreading lies: More vulnerable targets are blamed for things they didn’t do at school. Bullies make these accusations, persuading even more people to turn against the victim. Gamer bullying: In gaming, “griefing” refers to players sabotaging another player’s gameplay. For example, cyberbullies might steal virtual belongings or lead a campaign of harassment during in-game chats. More often than not, cyberbullies use anonymous profiles, which makes them harder to track, making things even more miserable for victims as the bullying campaign continues. In the news: Michelle Carter sent over 1,000 texts to her boyfriend, encouraging him to follow through on his plans to commit suicide—many of them coming right up to his final moments. Carter spent 11 months in federal prison when she was just 18 years old. [*]. 10 signs that may indicate your child is being cyberbullied. Using their device more (or less) Acting overly emotional after using a device Deleting their social media accounts Not wanting to attend social events Showing drastic changes in their mood Complaining to get out of going to school Becoming nervous when receiving a text Having difficulty sleeping Talking about self-harm Losing interest in hobbies Catching on to the warning signs of cyberbullying can be tough. Kids will hide their devices or avoid talking about it altogether because they’re afraid you might intervene (which only worsens the bullying). As a parent, it’s good practice to be aware of these warning signs that your kid might be experiencing cyberbullying. 1. Using their devices significantly more (or less). It’s no secret that screen time is only going up for kids of all ages. On average, kids between the ages of 8 and 12 use screens for about 5.5 hours a day, while kids between the ages of 13 and 18 use devices for nearly 8.5 hours each day. While more screen time can make it harder to keep track of all your kids' online activities, it can also help you keep an eye on whether or not they’re being bullied. Be on the lookout for: sudden changes to your child’s screen time. A shift in your child’s online activity or device usage can be a clear sign of cyberbullying. Less time online might be them trying to avoid being bullied. More time online could mean they’re combatting bullies. 2. Acting upset or overly emotional after using a device. Bullying is all about power and control. Perpetrators look for vulnerable people to prey on—especially if the bully sees them as weak and helpless. This dynamic causes victims to deal with the constant feeling of shame or humiliation. Keep an eye on how your children act during—and especially after—they use their devices. Are they upset? Do they seem confused, scared, or overwhelmed? One 17-year-old victim of cyberbullying recalls being so upset that she threw her phone against the wall—smashing it to pieces [*]. Sound familiar? It might be cyberbullying. Be on the lookout for: extreme anger or frustration after using a device. If your children ever get angry enough to slam a laptop or throw their cell phones, this could be a major red flag that they’re dealing with cyberbullying. 3. Deleting their social media accounts or opening new ones. When a child is dealing with a tough situation, their natural instinct may be to try and escape. Even as a parent, you might feel it best to suggest that your child stop using certain social media platforms where the bullying is happening. However, that approach rarely solves the problem since the bully in question might also be at school. Be on the lookout for: deleting social media accounts or starting new ones. If you notice your kid has deleted certain online accounts only to open new ones with different names, it’s a good idea to ask why. There might be an issue they’re trying to get away from, and a new account is their temporary solution—although we can tell you it’s not an effective or long-term one. Millie Bobby Brown rose to stardom before she was a teenager. But the Stranger Things actress also dealt with cyberbullying for years. When she removed all social media apps from her phone, things got much easier to handle, but she still avoids managing her accounts when possible[*]. 4. Becoming withdrawn and not wanting to attend social events. While mood swings are pretty common for teens and pre-teens, a drastic change in their attitude or desire to be social can be a major sign of cyberbullying. In one tragic case, 15-year-old Nate Bronstein was cyberbullied relentlessly after transferring to a top-ranked private school [*]. Nate’s mother, Rose, noticed her son becoming withdrawn and angry but didn’t know the full story. After months of being bullied by school students and teachers, Nate took his own life. His parents are now suing the school, some staff, and the parents of Nate’s alleged abusers. Be on the lookout for: spending an excessive amount of time alone. Maybe your son or daughter wants to hide out in their room, or maybe they refuse to spend time with the family or go out with friends. This withdrawn behavior could be an attempt to get away from bullies and not just the typical teenage tantrum. 5. Showing drastic changes in their mood and emotions. While some signs of cyberbullying can be harder to spot, ongoing intimidation and oppression from a bully will become obvious sooner than later. From mood swings and emotional outbursts to signs of depression, children may show clues to their situation and how it's affecting their mental health. The parent of a 16-year-old boy explained how their son was cyberbullied on Facebook for eight hours. The relentless assault triggered an acute psychotic break, leading the boy to an adolescent psychiatric ward for nearly a month [*]. Be on the lookout for: signs of mental health issues brought on by cyberbullying. This could include: Increased depression and anxiety A lack of interest in hobbies or activities Sudden outbursts of anger or extreme irritability Persistent sadness that lasts two weeks or longer Difficulty with sleeping Finding it hard to concentrate 6. Complaining about physical symptoms to get out of going to school. A poll by UNICEF found that one in five children has missed school because of cyberbullying. When your child pretends to be sick in order to miss school, it could be a genuine physical reaction brought on by stress—or it could be that they’re trying to escape or avoid bullies. Either way, it’s important to take these complaints seriously. As the mother of one victim of cyberbullying explained [*]: For kids growing up in a digital world, cyberbullying is a tragic reality. As parents, it’s crucial we learn to identify signs of cyberbullying early on—and know when and how to intervene. Be on the lookout for: unexplained and prolonged physical pain. Pay close attention if your child is experiencing sudden or prolonged physical pain or illness that can’t otherwise be diagnosed, the most common complaints being headaches or stomach pain. 7. Becoming nervous or jumpy when receiving a text, email, or message. Is your child on edge every time their phone beeps or vibrates? This type of anxious behavior, whenever a smartphone notification appears, isn't something you should take lightly. It’s one of the most prominent warning signs of cyberbullying. This response comes from a child who has become conditioned to expect something bad (from a bully) every time they get a message on their phone or computer. Be on the lookout for: hiding devices when you’re around. Young victims of cyberbullying might hide their phones or tablets or turn off their computer screens when parents are in the same room. Carol Todd stood before a court to explain how her teenage daughter, Amanda, became anxious and frightened with every new message she received. A 43-year-old man orchestrated a years-long campaign of cyberbullying, threats, and extortion against the teenager—following her online even as she changed schools [*]. 8. Having difficulty sleeping or feeling sleepy during the day. Around 63% of victims experiencing cyberbullying say that a lack of sleep is the most significant psychological impact of cyberbullying [*]. Facing bullies online and offline can lead to stress that keeps your kid from getting a good night’s sleep, leading to fatigue during the school day. Be on the lookout for: unusual sleeping patterns. Is your kid falling asleep at school? Oversleeping in the mornings? Again, this might be more than your typical teenage behavior. Some victims have even regressed to wetting the bed after persistent bullying. 9. Talking about self-harm. While some signs of cyberbullying could be played down as the natural changes that happen during adolescence, others shouldn’t be taken so lightly. The tragic truth is that cyberbullying victims are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide.[*] Be on the lookout for: signs of depression or thoughts of self-harm. Left unchecked, depression could lead to suicidal thoughts and self-harm. Jaylen White endured cyberbullying for ten months. The 12-year-old could not escape his tormentors, even as he changed schools and switched to remote learning. As the bullies hacked Jaylen's Netflix and PlayStation accounts to deliver threatening messages, the 12-year-old began talking about taking his own life. Thankfully, the bullying stopped when the perpetrator was caught in the act by his mother [*]. 10. Losing interest in hobbies they used to enjoy. Kids don’t always stick with their hobbies. But if bullies have ever teased them about their hobbies or intimidated them in any way to make them feel unwelcome on the football field or at other events, victims might withdraw from their friend groups and avoid social settings altogether. Be on the lookout for: suddenly losing interest in things they once loved. If your child suddenly stops playing sports or loses interest in a hobby they’re usually excited about, it’s worth chatting with them in case something else is going on. One young girl explained on an online forum that she is constantly bullied for her hobbies, which makes her “want to throw those hobbies away because it has been happening ever since I started posting my work on the internet.” [*] Was your child a victim? Most of the time, kids are scared to come forward about this issue because their bullies have threatened to make things worse if adults get involved. Instead, it’s often up to you (the parent) to recognize the problem and step in to support your child before the effects of cyberbullying go too far. Almost 90% of teenage cyberbullying victims don't tell their parents or trusted adults (including teachers) about the abuse. Here are nine steps you can take if your child is being bullied online: Make your child feel safe. Victims of bullying feel lonely and powerless. Show that you’re listening without judgment—that you’re there for unconditional support. This simple act can give your kid the confidence that a solution will be found. Let your child do the talking. Before taking any action, you need to get the full picture. Encourage your child to explain everything in detail using their own words. It’s important to stay calm and reassure your child that you are on their side. Collect evidence. You can squash the harassment more easily when you can prove the details of the abuse to the school or authorities. Collect screenshots of instant messaging conversations, text messages, images, videos, and supporting notes about any bullying incidents. Block the bullies. Go through your child’s accounts (social media, text, email, gaming, etc.) together to identify and block any profiles that have added to the issue. If necessary, your children can delete all their accounts and open new accounts with strong privacy settings. Report the bullies to the platforms. If the bullying continues despite opening new accounts, make an official report to the platform itself (Facebook, Discord, TikTok, etc.). Provide full details of the profiles and suspects so that the platform can ban them. This is where those screenshots come in handy. Collaborate with the school. Your child needs to feel safe at school. Set up a meeting with key figures, like the principal and your child's head teacher, to discuss the bullying. You can present all of your evidence to help them in their internal investigation. Seek counseling. Many children may struggle to share details of the problem with their parents. Speaking with a counselor helps victims open up to an objective third party. Positive refocus. Encourage your kids to continue doing what makes them happy, whether that’s pursuing their favorite hobbies or playing music or sports. Planning regular family events is another good way to show your kids how they can enjoy life away from the internet. Go on a camping trip, have a family games night, or try an arts and crafts project together. Contact the police. If the bullying continues or gets to the level of physical threats or attacks on your child or property, don’t hesitate to involve the police. While state laws vary for online threats, you can always turn to county sheriffs or state police if your local law enforcement officers don’t take action. The bottom line: keep your kids safe from cyberbullies. In today’s digital age, online bullying is a growing problem—especially for young people who spend so much time on their devices, social media, and gaming platforms. Knowing how to spot the signs of cyberbullying can help protect your kids, give them the support they need if they become targets, and take action to make their worlds safer online and IRL.The family guide to cyberbullying
Cyberbullying can often take the form of spreading rumors, hurtful name-calling, sending unwanted explicit images, physical threats, harassment, doxing, and “revenge porn”. Bullying and cyberbullying behaviors are intentional, involve an imbalance of power, and happen repeatedly. They are not one-time events, social media posts that might offend others, or disagreements that result from misunderstandings. Common modes of cyberbullying include email, texting, instant messaging, social media, video games, and direct messaging through other apps. What is the difference between cyberbullying and bullying? Cyberbullying is a form of bullying. Its hallmarks include: Persistence. Other types of bullying typically happen at or around school, but cyberbullying could happen anytime and in any place, making the victim feel like they can’t escape it, even at home. Invisibility and anonymity. Because cyberbullying is often conducted online, cyberbullies may be able to remain anonymous. Victims may be hesitant to report anonymous bullying experiences with parents and other adults, making it difficult to address. Because bullies often don’t see the faces of their victims, they may not feel as much empathy and accountability as they would in person, enabling them to continue the behavior (known as the “disinhibition effect”). Permanence. Because cyberbullying takes place over digital devices, screenshots and sharing can ensure that whatever harmful material was shared or sent could live on forever. The victim and the bully may find it difficult to leave the bullying behind when reminders are prevalent. Lack of supervision. Traditional bullying happens in places that typically have adults to prevent or intervene in the bullying behaviors, but there is less adult supervision online where cyberbullying occurs. Research shows that “open and empathetic parent-child interaction and parental involvement” can play a protective role against cyberbullying. What is the difference between bullies, victims, and bystanders? ‍Bullies: Those who engage in repeated harmful behaviors targeting those they see as vulnerable or less powerful.‍ Victims: Those who are harmed by others (in this case, bullies or cyberbullies)‍ Bystanders: Those who are not involved in the bullying but who see it happening. Research shows that many factors can influence whether someone will or will not step in when they see someone being cyberbullied, but having empathy and a school environment where they feel cyberbullying is taken seriously can make a difference for defending and reporting. Some bystanders might engage in negative behaviors, such as forwarding harmful content, taking and sharing screenshots, or adding comments to hurtful online threads. These behaviors spread the message to a wider audience, potentially increasing psychological harm to the victim. In this case, the bystander becomes a bully. How common is cyberbullying? Nearly 100% of teens report having access to a smartphone or home computer, and nearly half of teens report that they are online “almost constantly”. In the United States, about 16% of high school students report being cyberbullied in 2019; sadly, students identifying as LGBTQ reported a much higher rate of online bullying; almost 27% of students identifying as gay, lesbian, or bisexual reported cyberbullying. A survey from 2022 found that 46% of U.S teens reported ever experiencing cyberbullying behaviors which included being called offensive names or having rumors spread about them online. Because the bullying occurs on digital devices and accounts, it can be particularly harmful to the reputations of the bully and the victim and can be more persistent and permanent and harder to notice than more traditional in-person forms of bullying. What are the possible effects of cyberbullying? Traditional bullying and cyberbullying are often closely related: most victims who are cyberbullied also report being bullied offline. The two types of bullying can both have negative effects, the two combined can have a particularly negative impact on the victims. Cyberbullying can negatively affect the mental and physical health of victims and the bullies themselves. Cyberbullying has been connected with lowered self-esteem, suicidal ideation, loneliness, anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms. Bullying may also have negative effects on the victim’s school success, like decreasing academic performance, engagement, and attendance. Cyberbullying hurts not only the victim, but also the bully. Bullies are more likely to engage in substance use and abuse and early sexual activity, have criminal records in adulthood, be abusive toward family and romantic partners, and drop out of school.‍ What are the warning signs of cyberbullying? Children and especially teens may try to hide the bullying from their parents and other adult figures or not report the problem out of embarrassment, a fear that nothing will happen, concern about retaliation from the bully, or even from a fear of losing their internet access or device. Educators and parents can look for warning signs of cyberbullying in school and at home: Victims of cyberbullying may experience an increase in issues within their relationships, reporting feeling lonely, or getting upset more often over issues with friends and others at school. Young people experiencing cyberbullying may become withdrawn, seem down or depressed, or lose interest in people and activities they typically enjoy. They may show extreme emotional responses to what is happening on their device, or angrily put their device aside without explanation. They may try to hide the device or what’s on the screen from adults. Cyberbullied children may visit the school nurse more often, with complaints about emotional distress or physical ailments with an unknown cause. They may try to avoid school or start showing decreases in academic performance. They may become jumpy, nervous, or angry when they receive a notification of a new text message or social media post. Cyberbullying victims may switch their social media accounts frequently. How can I prevent cyberbullying? Keep an open line of communication with your child. When they get home from school, ask what happened that day that made them happy, proud, sad, and mad. If there was some online drama, offer to review it with them, not to be nosy, but to support and protect them. Tell them about similar experiences you had as a teen and how you dealt with them. Ask your child what they like to do online, and why. Teach your child to be an upstander, not a bystander. By standing up for those who are bullied in the physical or online world, they are making those worlds safer and kinder for themselves and for others. Include the reality of cyberbullying in your family’s shared media use agreement. A shared media use agreement outlines how everyone in the household is expected to behave with devices, games, and social media, including: How your child is expected to interact online with respect for themselves and others What consequences will be incurred when these expectations are not met. How your child can bring you questions, concerns, or fears that arise from their own or others’ experiences online. Reassure your child that you will not take away their phone or device if they report experiencing or witnessing cyberbullying. This will help them feel safe to tell you right away if they or someone they know is being victimized online. Follow or friend your child online so you can see what is happening on their social media feeds. Engage in social media use together. Co-view videos, game together, and ask to see their screens and share your own. Ask questions about what they are doing, what they like about it, and point out things you find interesting, confusing, or concerning. Help your child to set up privacy and security settings. While privacy and security settings won’t necessarily block all negative content, they can help to protect your child from negative behaviors online. Report bullying when you hear about it. Consider reporting cyberbullying to online service providers. You can also block the bully and access additional support through apps. If your child was doing the bullying, talk to them about it. Ask what was happening for them at the time, how it felt, and what they think they could do to make the situation better for the victim. “I noticed that you seem pretty angry at your phone lately. Can we talk about what’s going on?” What do I do if I suspect that my child is being cyberbullied? If you suspect that your child is being cyberbullied, It’s important to address your concerns with them in a way that helps them to speak openly. Ask your child about their experiences. “I saw a piece on the news yesterday about cyberbullying. Is that something you’ve experienced?” “Do you know anyone who has been bullied or attacked by haters online?” “I noticed that you seem pretty angry at your phone lately. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Reassure your child that you love and support them and that you want to help them to feel safe and secure at school and online. “I know it might make you uncomfortable to have me asking these questions, but I’m asking because I love you and I want to help you feel safe.” “Telling me about this was really brave. I want to make sure we find ways to help that feel right for you. What concerns do you have about how we address this?” “Is there an adult at school who you trust? Let’s figure out how to be sure you can talk to him when you need to, so you can feel safe at school.” Empower your child. “You have a right to be treated with decency and kindness online, just like in regular life.” “You haven’t done anything to deserve this treatment.” “There are things we can do to help this behavior stop. I want to work with you to decide on a solution together.” “This happens to a lot of people – more than half of kids your age report being cyberbullied.” Take actions to make your child safer. “I know it feels like a big step, but let’s go into your account and block the people who are hurting you so they can’t send you any more messages.” “I know how tempting it is to write back, but that will just make your bully feel more powerful. How about you text it to me instead? I promise you won’t get in trouble for the words you use – it’s important to be able to get those feelings out.” Engage external supports. “That social media company can help us to protect you from this online. Let’s go look at their support site.” “Even though it’s online, I need to let your school know this is happening. I’d like you to come with me to talk to the principal, so you can be a part of the conversation with her.” “I think that we need to talk to the police about this situation, because you or someone else could be really hurt by this behavior” You aren’t alone! There are resources available to help you in addressing cyberbullying, including: StopBullying.gov – Provides information from various government agencies on what bullying is, what cyberbullying is, who is at risk, and how you can prevent and respond to bullying. Preventing Bullying – A site managed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, offers facts and intervention strategies to address bullying and cyberbullying. Available en Espanol Know Bullying (app) – SAMHSA’s free phone app supports parents in holding regular conversations with their children and accessing key information about bullying and cyberbullying. Cyberbullying: What it is and how to stop it – UNICEF’s guide offers answers to many of the top questions kids have about cyberbullying, including links to key supports available Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter. Choose Kindness Project – Download the Educator and Coach toolkit on what you can do to prevent cyberbullying and how to work with families to keep kids safe at home. Learn what to do when cyberbullying happens and how to partner with families to respond. References Arnon, S., Brunstein Klomek, A., Visoki, E., Moore, T. M., Argabright, S. T., DiDomenico, G. E., Benton, T. D., & Barzilay, R. (2022). Association of Cyberbullying Experiences and Perpetration With Suicidality in Early Adolescence. JAMA Network Open, 5(6), e2218746-e2218746. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2022.18746 Brewer, G., & Kerslake, J. (2015). Cyberbullying, self-esteem, empathy and loneliness. Computers in Human Behavior, 48, 255-260. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.01.073 Byrne, E., Vessey, J. A., & Pfeifer, L. (2018). Cyberbullying and Social Media: Information and Interventions for School Nurses Working With Victims, Students, and Families. The Journal of School Nursing, 34(1), 38-50. https://doi.org/10.1177/1059840517740191 Dennehy, R., Meaney, S., Walsh, K. A., Sinnott, C., Cronin, M., & Arensman, E. (2020). Young people’s conceptualizations of the nature of cyberbullying: A systematic review and synthesis of qualitative research. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 51, 101379. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2020.101379 Fisher, B. W., Gardella, J. H., & Teurbe-Tolon, A. R. (2016). Peer Cybervictimization Among Adolescents and the Associated Internalizing and Externalizing Problems: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 45(9), 1727-1743. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-016-0541-z Laith, R., & Vaillancourt, T. (2022). The temporal sequence of bullying victimization, academic achievement, and school attendance: A review of the literature. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 64, 101722. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2022.101722 Lambe, L. J., Cioppa, V. D., Hong, I. K., & Craig, W. M. (2019). Standing up to bullying: A social ecological review of peer defending in offline and online contexts. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 45, 51-74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2018.05.007 Nixon C. Current perspectives: the impact of cyberbullying on adolescent health. Adolesc Health Med Ther. 2014;5:143-158. https://doi.org/10.2147/AHMT.S36456 Nocentini, A., Fiorentini, G., Di Paola, L., & Menesini, E. (2019). Parents, family characteristics and bullying behavior: A systematic review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 45, 41-50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2018.07.010 Suler, J. (2004). The Online Disinhibition Effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7(3), 321-326. https://doi.org/10.1089/1094931041291295 Waasdorp, T. E., & Bradshaw, C. P. (2015). The Overlap Between Cyberbullying and Traditional Bullying. Journal of Adolescent Health, 56(5), 483-488. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2014.12.002 Watts, L. K., Wagner, J., Velasquez, B., & Behrens, P. I. (2017). Cyberbullying in higher education: A literature review. Computers in Human Behavior, 69, 268-274. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2016.12.038Empowering teens to conquer social media’s negative side
While we wish internet trolls didn’t exist or that they didn’t affect how any of us feel, these unhelpful, negative words can actually have a huge impact on our teens' emotional well-being. It's time to demystify the world of these digital troublemakers. So, what exactly is an internet troll? This is someone who makes intentionally cruel, rude, or upsetting statements online to elicit strong emotional responses in another person. Think of them as bacteria lurking in the depths of social media, just waiting to spread negativity and cause harm. Their goal is to elicit big reactions, cause distress, and make their victims feel miserable. The truth about trolls is that they typically spend countless hours trying to make people mad, and engaging will only serve to feed them. While it can be hard to do, try remembering that their behavior is more about their own deficits and insecurities than the actual person they are lashing out at. While we can’t totally eliminate online bullies, we can tap into tools to take away their power and build immunity against their harmful bites. Here's how: Identify and then ignore the pesky monsters. ‍Knowledge is power when battling trolls. Teach your teens to watch out for negative comments, repeated patterns of bad behavior, and an overall lack of positivity. If something online makes them feel bad, it's likely an internet troll trying to infect them with their unhelpful negativity. By ignoring them, your teen is likely to drive the troll away, searching for someone more susceptible to their tricks. Build resilience. ‍Once your teen can spot a troll, it's time to build resilience. Remind them that trolls prey on vulnerable people, aiming to shatter their self-esteem. But when your teen embraces their self-worth and seeks validation from within, trolls have a harder time getting under their skin. Report and block ALL trolls. ‍Teach your teens to use the reporting and blocking features on all social platforms. By doing so, they not only protect themselves but also help others. Better yet, stay involved in your teen's social media activities, turning off comments when possible. If that's not an option, take a moment to review the comments together and block them as needed. Prevention is the best defense! Positivity is paramount, so here is a simple tool your teens can use to remind them to think before they POST: ‍P - Pause and reflect: Encourage them to hit the pause button before posting, sharing, or commenting on social media. Remind them to consider the potential impact of their words. ‍O - Own your words: Teach your teens to take responsibility for their online words and actions. Remind them that what they say or post can have long-term effects on others. Encourage kindness and empathy in their online interactions.‍ S - Spread positivity: Emphasize the importance of spreading positivity. Encourage your teens to think about how their posts could affect others. Challenge them to inspire, support, and uplift with their online presence.‍ T - Think long-term: Help your teens understand the long-term consequences of their online footprint. Remind them that college applications and future employment opportunities may be influenced by their digital presence. Encourage them to ask themselves if they want to be known as someone who spreads positivity and makes a positive impact. By following these steps and using the "POST" technique, we can empower our teens to navigate social media with mindfulness and kindness. Together, we’re creating a digital world where trolls have no power and positivity wins.
