Raising digital natives: Strategies for healthy tech use in youth
Our kids have never known a world without the internet and smartphones. To them, devices are a normal part of nearly all activities—and an important part of figuring out who they are through socialization. That said, research shows that too much screen time is potentially detrimental to developing minds and bodies. As parents, it's our job to help our kids strike the right balance between life online and offline. But without being digital natives ourselves, this can be a tricky process to navigate. Like many parts of parenting, it requires two things: a well of patience and good communication. Start the screen time conversation early It's never too early to start talking about (and demonstrating) healthy screen use, even if your kids aren't using devices of their own just yet. You can start by talking about how you use your devices, setting your own screen time limits, and initiating screen-free time with your kids. It can be hard at first, but I think you'll find that you feel better in the long run, too. I know I did. When our family implemented a screen-free zone during dinner time (including meal prep and clean up), the urge to check my phone was strong, even if I meant to have screen-free time with my family. There always seemed to be a good excuse to check some fact about something we were discussing, look at the schedule for the next day, etc. And these small diversions inevitably led to an “oh, I will just check email or Slack real quick,” which defeated the purpose. Ultimately we decided that putting devices in another room was the best way to keep us all honest, screen-free, and fully focused on family time. Consider different devices When it's time for your kids to get their own devices, remember: it's not all or nothing. Try easing them into the responsibility of having and using a device by starting with a "dumb" phone (also called a feature phone) or a smartwatch that's connected to your cell phone plan. This lets them contact you in an emergency without the draw of social media and games—or the possible risks associated with unmonitored internet access. Agree on rules (and consequences) right away It's been said that clarity is kindness, and in this case, clarity is household harmony as well. When you give your kids a new device, talk about, and agree on, how they'll use it and what the consequences will be if they break rules around screen time or app usage. Having this conversation when they first get a new device makes actually implementing consequences easier and more effective. If you wait until you're in the heat of the moment—when you're mad your kids won't get off their phones and they're mad you're asking—you may promise a punishment that's hard to follow through on. "No computer for a week" sounds okay in that second, but what about when it's time for schoolwork, or to video call Grandma? Clinically speaking, consequences delivered in a moment of friction can throw kids off-balance, too. And when kids don't know what to expect, they may become even more upset and exacerbate the situation further. By agreeing upon rules and potential consequences up front, you're giving your kids the stability and expectations that they need. You're also diffusing the battle for control and showing them that you're sticking to a mutual agreement. For some families, clarity of rules and expectations can be emphasized by writing them down and keeping this written record handy to review. Encourage balanced use of screens Smartphones and computers aren't just a way to do schoolwork or connect with friends. They can also be outlets for creativity and portals for independent learning or exploration. If you're having a hard time getting your kids to put down the screens, look for device-based activities that are stimulating to the mind. For instance, if your daughter likes playing video games, you could help her explore what goes into drawing and rendering the animations. She could try her own hand at creating game-like scenes—or even coding her own game—using low-cost apps and resources available for iPads and computers. Who knows, it could turn out that you have the next Michelangelo or Disney on your hands … just one whose tools of trade involve pixels, not paintbrushes. Your guide to raising a healthy digital native Ultimately, you'll want to remember these three key things: Start the conversation early. When you discuss healthy device use early on, it's easier to guide your kids toward making smart choices (and enforce necessary boundaries) as their screen time increases. Establish consequences now. Consequences created on the fly tend to be more extreme than those agreed upon calmly beforehand. If you automatically jump to the strictest punishment you can think of, you might accidentally lose your chance to escalate consequences in the future if needed. Model what you want to see. By putting my phone down when I say I will, I'm showing my children that I control my devices; they don't control me. Showing your kids what healthy device use looks like can say just as much as, or more than, a verbal conversation does. And remember, nobody's perfect. There will be times that you realize you aren't modeling the right behavior or moments when you jump to an unplanned consequence. Keep communicating with your kids, though—together, your family can find the right balance.Back to school, back to screens
School’s back in session, and with that comes extra screen time for our kids. Chromebooks and iPads are a ubiquitous part of school for many children right now. They use these devices for everything from learning code to emailing classmates about projects. When you couple this schoolwork with kids' personal device use, it adds up to a lot of screen time. A lot of parents I've talked to want to get their kids off of screens as soon as school work is done, but they find it causes friction at home. This is because personal screen time is important to most kids today. As humans, we've always moved through different stages of growth–including wanting to spend more time socializing and exploring with our friends in our adolescent years. But while you and I may have done that socializing outside, at a friend's house, or at the mall, kids are now doing more of that important exploration online. My clinical practice work has shown me that the best solutions for every family will be different—but these steps are a great place for everyone to start. Set up screen-free zones or times A screen-free zone can be a physical place or a time of day when your kids, and ideally the whole family, take a break from their devices. Research shows that when we set routines around our screen time, we can have better relationships with our devices. Make time for guilt-free fun Setting screen time routines isn’t just about limiting when your kids can’t use their devices. When they know there’s a designated time to chat on social media or invite friends to play Fortnite, it helps reduce the stress and frustration around logging off for things like dinner. Plan out screen time schedules It’s also important to build in guilt-free screen time. Abruptly switching from something enjoyable, like gaming with friends, to a tough homework assignment can cause conflict. A planned schedule helps smooth these transitions. Use parental controls Sometimes kids need some digital guardrails in place to help them balance their screen time. Your kids’ personal devices may already have screen time (sometimes called “focus time”) controls built-in, and you can also restrict screen time using apps like Aura. Using these controls could look like: Fully blocking social media sites and games when it’s time for homework Allowing kids to access social media apps throughout the day, but turning off access once they’ve spent a certain cumulative amount of time on the app Only un-blocking certain apps during scheduled guilt-free screen time Scheduling internet black-out periods when it’s time for bed Model good screen time habits All of the screen time schedules and parental controls in the world can only go so far. Showing your kids what healthy versus problematic tech use looks like through your own actions can be the most effective teaching tool you have at your disposal. This isn’t to say that you can’t use your devices. It’s just a matter of being mindful about it! Creating better screen time habits in six steps To recap, navigating social and school life online is tricky for everyone. It's okay if it takes a few tries to find just the right approach for your family—just remember these six things: Strike a balance between school and fun screen time. Taking away all non-school screen time could stifle kids' chances to explore and interact with peers in casual settings. Eliminate screens from bedrooms. A good starting point for creating screen-free zones is to eliminate screens from bedrooms for sleep—and turning off screens one hour before bed is even better. Stack similar on and offline activities. Some families I work with have managed device transitions successfully by pairing similar screened and screen-free activities together, like playing online for 30 minutes and then going outside for the same length of time. Set up parental controls. Whether you use on-device controls or an app like Aura, these tools can give you better insights into how and when your kids are using their screen time. Resist the urge to scroll. If you're asking your kids to stop scrolling online during family time, try doing the same! This sets a great example—and can help your own mental well-being and sleep, too. Talk it out. Making your children active partners in deciding how and when they'll allocate their screen time—and talking about why limits are important—helps to keep everyone invested in their digital health. We'll be publishing additional resources to help you balance screen time during the school year, too—keep exploring the community for more!
