The New "Birds & Bees": A Parent’s Guide to AI Sexual Roleplay
Artificial intelligence has quickly become a household fixture, helping our kids with everything from tricky math problems to creative writing. However, parents may be surprised to learn that young people are turning to AI for far more than just schoolwork. A national survey by Common Sense Media found that 33% of young people have used AI chatbots for social interactions, including enacting romantic fantasies or sexual roleplay. If you’ve received a risk alert or discovered romantic messages on your child’s device, it’s natural to feel alarmed. But by understanding this digital landscape, you can transform a scary moment into a powerful opportunity for connection and growth. Why Kids Are Turning to Chatbots It’s helpful to remember that the onset of puberty is a hallmark period for curiosity. It is developmentally typical for children to wonder about the "ins and outs" of sex and identity. A Judgment-Free Zone: Talking about sex can feel awkward or embarrassing. Engaging with an AI feels "socially safer" than turning to an adult, as the bot won't get uncomfortable or disappointed. Low-Stakes Practice: Some youth feel immense pressure to have relationships "figured out." AI provides a way to explore these topics without the risk of real-world rejection or social fallout. The Risks Every Parent Should Know While these apps may be marketed as "virtual friends," they lack the emotional depth and the fundamental need for consent found in human relationships. Distorted Reality: AI can trick children into thinking real intimacy is transactional, creating unrealistic expectations for future partners. Safety Gaps: Despite tech companies increasing security, no safeguard is perfect. AI can still describe non-consensual scenarios or provide medically inaccurate information. Data Privacy: Everything shared with an AI is saved by the company by default. Your child’s private thoughts and personal details are being used to train "Big Tech" models without true privacy. Grooming & Exploitation: Some platforms include community features where adults may use AI-generated "deepfakes" to build trust and exploit minors. Your Action Plan: Partnership, Not Punishment If you discover your child is engaging in AI roleplay, your goal is to maintain open communication. Reacting with anger often drives this behavior underground; instead, aim for a "partnership" approach. Check Your Emotional Temperature Before starting the conversation, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that curiosity is a normal part of growing up. If you stay calm, your child is more likely to keep coming to you when things get complicated. Join Their Digital World Don’t just confiscate the phone immediately. Sit down together and use a script like: "I’m not mad at you. We all explore things growing up, but my main job is to keep you safe. Let's look at how this bot works together." This signals that you are on the same team. Foster AI Literacy Help your child develop "metacognition"—thinking about how they think. Spark their curiosity with questions like, "I wonder where this conversation is being stored?" or "Do you think a real person would ever say that?" This helps them build the critical thinking skills they need to navigate the digital world. Create a Family Tech Agreement Co-create a "living" document that outlines rules for AI and social media use. This should be a shared responsibility: if you expect your child to stay off certain apps, model that behavior by putting your own phone away during dinner. Final Thoughts Curiosity about attraction and identity is a beautiful, normal part of adolescence. You want your child to feel comfortable turning to you for the answers, not an algorithm. By staying non-judgmental and maintaining a dialogue about the dangers of AI intimacy, you are empowering your child to develop healthy, real-world relationship skills. Authors: Anne Claire Grammer, PhD & Lauren A. Lee, PhD Resources and Further Reading for Parents: Common Sense Media Report on AI Companions: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/talk-trust-and-trade-offs-how-and-why-teens-use-ai-companions American Psychological Association Health Advisory on AI Use: https://www.apa.org/topics/artificial-intelligence-machine-learning/health-advisory-ai-adolescent-well-being Children and Screens: https://www.childrenandscreens.org/learn-explore/research/online-sexual-and-explicit-content-a-guide-for-parents/
